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    Friday, December 26, 2008



    I thought that you would all love to see the blackmail material we captured on Cole today! I was humming a silly song, and Cole started breaking it down, so we decided to capture it for posterity sake, and I think it speaks for itself!

    We had a good Christmas, despite the fact both boys were sick. We thankfully didn't have to spend this Christmas in the hospital (though when Cole started running a fever, we thought we might) and we were blessed to have Gary here to celebrate it with us. Both boys got plenty of toys and goodies, let me tell you. I'm thinking we'll need to do a toy purge after all of this. Cole got a bike, and Logan got a tricycle and the fact that it was 60F on Christmas day made it all the better for bike riding.

    I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce you to the latest member of our family, Charlie the Panda. Cole recently gave up Pacy and Hair so we made a big deal about going to pick out a stuffed animal to replace them and took him to the Build-A-Bear Workshop where Charlie was born.

    Now, before you ooo and aaaah over Charlie, take a moment and consider the plight of the Panda. Poor Charlie has been thrown up on 4 times already, has been dropped in the mud once and has been washed so many times that the fur covering his nose is almost completely gone. I assure you, if most Pandas are treated as roughly as Charlie is, I can understand why they are endangered.

    Despite all of that, however, Charlie is well loved and has become a permanent attachment to our retinue.

    I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas (or a wonderful Christmahanakwanza, as the case may be) and that you all have a happy New Year!

    Thursday, December 11, 2008

    A Little Ditty for You!

    Dalynn, the boys and I recently went to a nifty little studio to record a holiday dance. I hope you'll agree with me that we're all very impressive dancers. It's a bit of a disco medley of some Christmas songs. I do hope that you enjoy our hard work for you all in this holiday season.

    Merry Christmas!

    Thursday, December 4, 2008

    Turkey Day and a Van

    Well, turkey day has come and gone, and we had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We went to our friend Anthony's mother's house for Thanksgiving day. It was a wonderful time, and we really enjoyed it.

    The food was incredible, especially the collards and the pound cake. Anthony also smoked a good turkey, my first smoked turkey, in fact. We all ate til we were stuffed and then took a goodly amount home, to boot! There were about 30 or so people there, with at least half being kids. Cole and Logan had a great time playing with all of Anthony's nieces, nephews and cousins. Cole was particularly enamored with Ms. Watkins macaroni and cheese! We took more of that home than anything else.

    I also have to say that Anthony's nieces, nephews and cousins were some of the best behaved children I have ever met. There was one boy, Zack, who was about 5 or 6. He went out of his way to share toys with Cole and made sure that Cole always had an appropriately timed turn when they were sharing the same toy. I don't know that I've ever seen that particular fairness out of a child that young. He was also very affectionate, giving Cole many hugs!

    I'd just like to say thank you to Ms. Watkins and all of her family and neighbors that allowed us to spend such a wonderful Thanksgiving with them. It was truly a treat!

    In other big news the great van hunt is over! We bought a Honda Odyssey which is a wonderful van. It's the type of van that we wanted and we got a great deal on it. The only feature that it lacked was a DVD system in it, so we had an after-market one installed. It drives like a car, is roomy and holds everything we can put in it, seats 8 (with a seat in the middle of the middle row that you can pull out and store elsewhere) and was big enough that we could carry our Christmas tree home in it!

    We traded in the Camry, so as to not have 2 car payments, which we thought was the wisest course of action. We had no desire to be car poor! So, pray that the Malibu holds out for another few years (or even another decade).

    I have to say that the DVD system was well worth it. We got to use it on the trip to Ms. Watkins, which was about a 30 to 45 minute drive to Portsmouth. The boys both get a pair of headphones to wear and they were quiet as mouses. We can play the sound through the car stereo (via a built-in FM transmitter in the DVD player) if we wish, but with both boys doing so well with the headphones, and with it allowing Dalynn and I to talk while the boys are watching quietly, I don't know that we'll play it over the stereo much.

    We're also, as I alluded to, set up for Christmas. It was particularly important to us to do it as early as possible this year because we never got to do it last year, what with being in the hospital the whole month of December. So, we did it the weekend after Thanksgiving. We got the tree on Friday and were finished decorating by the end of the weekend.

    The only down side to things recently is that we've all been a little sick, though Cole isn't running fevers so we're hospital safe. All we really need right now is for Cole's cough to clear up and we'll all be much better.

    If I don't get a chance to say it before Christmas, Merry Christmas to you all!

    Wednesday, December 3, 2008

    We Need a Map to Talk to Each Other

    In a conversation I was having today the question about how two gadgets would communicate with each other came up. Initially, I was thinking that two gadgets would talk through an intermediary gadget which would convert the output of one gadget into the input for the second gadget.

    There are a couple major problems with this approach:

    1. Anytime you added a gadget you would possibly have to write a whole slew of interpreter gadgets for the gadgets you wanted to give input to or take input from. At a minimum, every gadget would require at least one interpreter gadget.
    2. The whole gadget as a web service concept breaks down when you start talking about interpreter gadgets. They do not need to reside on the web, they need to reside on the platform. Should you have a platform based gadget? Is that really worthwhile or does it break the nice clean system we've conceptualized?
    In the midst of the conversation the idea of being able to do mash-ups was discussed, and this spurred me into a new area of thought regarding how gadgets could talk. Mash-ups always make me think of PopFly. If you've never played with PopFly, I highly recommend it. It's one of the coolest things to come out of Microsoft since Surface.

    In PopFly, you capture two (or more) web service endpoints and then you map the fields in the endpoints together. This allows you to create dynamic mash-ups on the fly, among other things. So, let's say that I have a web service that gives me a weather report for a list of locations and I have a mapping web service (like Google Earth). I can map the location info from the weather report list onto the mapping service and create a series of push-pins on the map that will show you the weather report when you mouse over them. It's pretty nifty and very simple to use.

    Why not use the mapping between web services concept for our platform?

    It's a much more elegant solution. It has several advantages over the other approach I mentioned:

    1. A mapping is much easier to generate than a complete gadget. What's more, if done right, it could be done in a UI! PopFly has demonstrated this very well.
    2. The platform would only have to remember a mapping (which could be done in XML quite easily) for any communication between gadgets. That eliminates the problem of having platform-bound gadgets.
    3. The mappings could be based off of the WSDLs that the web services publish. This would allow a direct mapping from the output of one gadget to the input of another. No intermediary step is needed.
    I have to say, I'm quite enamored of the idea. I think that the first step is going to be creating a set of gadgets that are supposed to talk. I've already created the first gadget (a charting gadget). I can create a simple gadget that spits out a set of variables and then try to map that onto the chart gadget. I'll have to dig around the net a bit to see if I can come up with some good examples of the best way of mapping web services together.

    I shall post my progress here!

    Monday, November 24, 2008

    Architecting Things Out

    I'm now going down the path of fleshing out the architecture for our project. We're working with the concept of "gadgets" coupled with a "platform" as the basis for our architecture.

    A gadget is simply an object (in a conceptual sense, not a programmatic sense) which takes an input, processes that input and produces an output. The platform will coordinate the gadgets in such a way that you can string gadgets together in order to get a chain of information, or a work flow, that you like.

    Those are the concepts, but how does that play out in an application?

    Well, the first idea that comes to mind is a service oriented architecture. Here, the gadgets have two components: a webservice that takes the input, does the processing and then gives an output; a component that plugs into the platform, interfaces with the webservice and provides any UI. A good example of a gadget is one that takes input and provides a visualization dependent on the input.

    The platform would ideally be a flexible piece of software that would allow you to "wire together" different gadgets into the work flow that you want, among other things. I'd like to take a page out of Spring's book and make the wiring together of gadgets by the platform be definable in XML. This would allow for dynamic wiring at run time which would mean you could build an "application" out of gadgets as you saw fit, ad hoc.

    I like the idea of using webserivces because it provides such flexibility. It also means that you could create a gadget out of an existing web service (assuming that it was all right with you that you don't control webservice).

    All in all, it's a rather web 2.0 concept that I think we're developing here, and I really like it. I'd like to get to a place where someone could wire together their own version of the application and then run it, change things and then rerun it to see if the output changed. Remember, this software is in support of research, so the ability to prototype a system is incredibly useful.

    Monday, November 17, 2008

    Hibernate Musings

    So, I'm working my way through this tutorial on hibernate. It basically takes you through creating a basic (and trivial) Hibernate project, all the way to the point where you create the database and put info into it, then take it out.

    Wait, did I just say "create the database"? That I did. I think this is the coolest feature in Hibernate that I've come across so far. The work flow basically works like this: First, you create your POJO bean which will hold a record. Then, you create a mapping file which will map the properties of the bean onto a table in the database. Next, you set a special property in your hibernate.cfg.xml file (called hbm2ddl.auto) to "create". Finally, you create some utility classes that drive Hibernate.

    Set up an ant task to do something (in my case, I stored a record) with the database and run it.

    On start up Hibernate will create the database using the mapping files. The more mapping files you have, the more tables will be created. I still don't know if you can create multiple tables from one mapping, but the ability to create a database based off of POJO beans is some kind of powerful and is a feature that I will hopefully use to a great degree in order to get around some of my relative inexperience with database design.

    Wednesday, November 12, 2008

    1 Year

    Today marks the one year anniversary of when we checked into the hospital to begin Cole's treatment for ALL. In many ways, this has been the longest year of my life. But, in many ways the time has flown by.

    You guys have read the long part in my blog (if you haven't, I especially recommend the beginning, around the middle of November, through mid January, that was probably the toughest time). Let me tell you about why it has been so short.

    Personally, I have been stretched and moved in ways that I never thought were possible. Never did I think that I could endure something like this. The challenges have been physical as well as mental and emotional. It's required more patience of me than I thought I had, more stamina of me than I thought I had and more perseverance of me than I thought I had. In all the ways except one (Cole is still alive, praise God) this has been a true tragedy, but my, these things have a way of shaping and changing you which I do not regret.

    Mine and Dalynn's marriage has also grown. We had no choice but to pull together as a team in order to ride this thing out. But, in that process, we have done more than ride it out, we have thrived. If you consider that just over two and a half years ago we were separated you begin to see how amazingly God can work things out. I feel that we are now stronger than we have ever been and being forced to pull together has a lot to do with that. She is my teammate and my partner in all that we do now. I don't often consider how I will respond to a situation, I consider how we will respond to a situation. I like where we are now, and I look forward to all the years that we have in which we can figure more of this out.

    As is quite obvious, our family has continued to grow. We're now expecting our 3rd, a little girl. While we know that it will be difficult, being a team gives me confidence that we can handle the challenges that having 3 under 4 will present (and one of those in treatment for cancer). I'm also blessed with perspective now, as far as my family goes. I can often look at one of my boys and think "How blessed am I that he can walk?" Seeing either of my boys running around is a joy, and that joy has a lot to do with the perspective that cancer has brought to our lives.

    I've seen Cole grow. Physically, he's about twice the size he was when he started treatment. Especially recently, he's really started to shoot up. He no longer looks like a baby, but instead looks like a little boy (much to his Grammy's lamentation). I'm also seeing his full personality emerge, and while I know that cancer will play a role in shaping that (such as making him innately more cautious than a lot of his peers), I can see how cancer has not stunted his spirit. From Cole's perspective, everything is a mystery, and the questions "Why?" and "What kind?" are going to unlock that mystery for him! I certainly hear them enough during the day to convince me of that! His cheerfulness is infective if not a little exhausting and I love the way that I can see things new through his eyes as he witnesses things for the first time.

    Then there's Logan. If it can be studied, he will. If it can be climbed, all the better! If it thwarts him, he'll definitely let you know and generally in a very vocal and foot stomping manner. He's a sheer delight and I look forward to seeing his personality come out, as well. He doesn't have much to say, but he communicates loudly.

    Cancer has visited this family but it has not left us distraught or destitute. It has left us stronger and more fully capable of enjoying every precious second of life. While I never would have chosen this for our family I find it satisfying that we can thrive even in the midst of all of this.

    I would like to thank all of you for the support that you have offered. Having this outlet in which to express my thoughts has been invaluable, especially during the difficult times. Then there's the support both in prayer and monetarily that you have offered. Without prayer I don't believe we would be thriving and without the monetary support things would be very difficult indeed on our family. So, thank you all for all that you've done.

    I'd like to leave you with this thought from Romans 8:28:

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

    Thursday, November 6, 2008

    Spring!

    I'm reading a book right now by Rod Johnson, called "J2EE Design and Development". It's a fabulous book which conveys all kinds of refinements on the architecture of a J2EE application.

    In the book, Johnson puts forth his own novel framework for managing various aspects of the application. This framework became know as Spring and can be found here.

    Of particular interest to me is the MVC framework that can be used to create a thin and clean front end for your web app. After reading a bit about this in the book I went and got Spring and ran through a tutorial that helps you create a non-trivial but simple front end for an inventory system. It's all included in the Spring download, if you're interested.

    So, what are the highlights? First off, anything that can be configured in XML is configured in XML, allowing for dynamic shifting of classes at run-time! Further, one of the big Spring tenants is to program to interfaces (which is simply a sound principal and one I'm finding myself adopting quickly). These two things taken together means that Spring is incredibly non-invasive. You can use the Spring framework without having to write a bunch of code aimed at the Spring framework.

    Let me walk you through a request flow to give you an example of how this works in the MVC framework.

    To start off with, I have set up an index.jsp that redirects to hello.htm so that you can easily enter the application. I've set up a servlet-mapping in my web.xml which intercepts any and all .htm pages and redirects them to the Spring master controller.

    So, enter the Spring master controller (which I use right out of the jar). The master controller will process the request, then hand off the request to a sub-controller which you define. All of this is configured in an XML file as well. I called my application springapp, so I created an XML file called springapp-servlet.xml.

    I have a bean definition in springapp-servlet.xml for /hello.htm:

    <bean name="/hello.htm" class="springapp.web.InventoryController">
    <property name="productManager" ref="productManager"/>
    </bean>

    The master controller sees the class that is attached to /hello.htm and interprets this as the sub-controller which it should forward the request to. So, off the request goes.

    My InventoryController does some logic processing and data gathering (for instance, it gathers a list of items to show in the inventory view) and puts all of this into a model which, in this instance, is a Map which contains a list of Products as well as a Date object. The InventoryController forwards the model and the name of a view back to the master controller and the master controller then forwards the model to the view specified which, in this case, is a jsp called hello.jsp.

    The jsp page loops through the products list (which is model.products) and displays the products.

    We also have a link on hello.jsp which will take us to the price increase page (called priceincrease.jsp). This page allows you to implement a price increase by percentage over all the products.

    Here's where things really get cool. Spring ships with a tag library, called form. It adds on to some normal HTML tags, such as form or input. The specific design, though, is to allow you to map a form or input back to a specific class. So, to enter in the price increase, I use an input defined by the form tag library:

    <form:input path="percentage"/>

    I also define a form which this input sits in:

    <form:form method="post" commandName="priceIncrease">

    The command name maps back to a bean in the springapp-servlet.xml file. That bean has a controller class specified (PriceIncreaseFormController) with it as well as a name (/priceincrease.htm). You see how the pattern is forming up? In that controller, there is a mapping to several things. First off is a mapping which corresponds with the commandName. This is mapped to a class (called PriceIncrease in this instance). PriceIncrease has a field called percentage. So, when the form is submitted, a new object of class PriceIncrease is created with the value in the input attached to the field percentage. PriceIncrease is considered a command, as it provides direction on what the ProductManager should do with the Products.

    Further, a validator is specified for PriceIncrease and is automatically run. All of this is then passed into the PriceIncreaseFormController. The controller evaluates the results of the validator, does any processing necessary, builds a model if necessary, and then forwards everything to a view (which is hello.jsp in this case).

    So, that's the basic workflow. I think it's pretty awesome that so much can be specified in XML. That gives you an amazing amount of flexibility at run-time.

    All in all, I think I'm going to benefit a lot from Spring. It has more than just an MVC component. It provides an abstraction for almost every level of J2EE applications, from the database level (a JDBC abstraction) to a replacement for the EJB tier.

    Monday, November 3, 2008

    New Pictures of the Boys

    Here they are!

    Cole Turns 3

    On Saturday, November 1, Cole turned 3!

    As I write this I thank God that I'm not saying "Cole would have turned 3". Dalynn and I have been thanking the Lord for the fact that we've had one more year with our precious son.

    Thank you all for your prayers and help. They have seen us through such a difficult time but days like Saturday continue to drive home to us just how blessed we are. Blessed that we can still celebrate the life of our sweet son.

    I'll try to get some pictures posted soon. If you haven't seen a picture of Cole recently (and only have pictures from his initial treatment to go on) then you may thoroughly enjoy some new pictures. He looks like a typical (if somewhat chubby) 3 year old.

    We had a party for Cole and invited some friends over. Unfortunately, as is normally the case with us trying to plan birthday parties (we seem to suffer from a birthday party curse), something happened that prevented a lot of folks from coming (that being that half of the folks that were supposed to come, including my mom, got sick). Despite that, though, we had a rousing good time! Cole received many fun toys and he and Rayanna (sorry if I butchered her name, Camille!) played until about 9 that night (having started at 3).

    It was so much fun to see Cole interacting with another 3 year old. At one point, they were running around trying to rescue pretend animals from a pretend tiger and dragon all the while calling Diego and Dora on their cell phones. It was quite cute.

    All in all, we had a really good weekend and I'm so thankful that we got to throw a party for Cole.

    Tuesday, October 28, 2008

    I'm Pushing this on You

    So, one of the requirements we have is to be able to alter the content of a page given a users input, where that user is either another user entirely or the main user of the given session. The aim is to impart a collaborative aspect on a given page so that anyone on the page can view the collective changes that have been made to that page.

    This has brought me around to thinking about AJAX in a different manner. Normally, AJAX is used to pull info from the server. The page (or component on the page) makes a request of the server, and the server sends the response to the page/component. However, what do you do when you need to reflect changes to your model in near real time?

    Well, the thought that comes to my mind is that you move to a push model. In the push model, whenever the data model changes it pushes those changes out to the view. Now, this is totally doable with AJAX, it's just a different way of thinking about things. I think it's been termed reverse AJAX.

    Of course, the poor man's way of doing a push model is to actually do a pull model with automated (instead of user-requested) pulls on a short interval. The downside to this is that it can result in a ton of network traffic at the very least. Another downside is that you don't have true data coherence. You're basically taking a guess as to when the data model has changed.

    So, I'm now investigating ways in which I can use a push model. I've found two promising leads: CometD and Pushlets. I might still opt for the poor man's approach, at least for now, but both of these bear investigation. When I know more, I'll post it here.

    If you're interested in a good article which outlines some of the ways of going about this, check out this article here.

    Monday, October 27, 2008

    J2EE Survey Software: Opinio

    A requirement came up recently wherein we need to be able to conduct online surveys. Thinking that this was an area where I'd best be served leveraging existing software, I started searching for Java based survey tools.

    I quickly found that there is a severe dearth of Java survey tools in the open source community. Most projects haven't been updated since 2005 and all of them seem cumbersome. If I am going to use something, I'm going to make sure it is easy to use and also looks good.

    So, abandoning open source for the moment, I started looking at what was available in the closed source world. I quickly found a piece of software that fit my needs perfectly. Called Opinio, it is a very nicely built J2EE application that can be deployed on anything from Tomcat to JBoss (even IIS, or so they claim).

    It has 3 versions: Lite, Corporate and Enterprise. The Lite version is free for use, but has a much reduced feature set. However, the reduction is in the analysis side and since we're going to be building our own analysis tools, this application fit perfectly!

    My only gripe so far is that it doesn't have a great community or a good set of docs. I'm currently trying to set it up so that it will write the surveys to our SQL Server database. There are directions on the site for setting up MySql and Oracle, but no SQL Server. Once I get the issue solved, though, I may post how to do it, here.

    Wednesday, October 22, 2008

    And the Winner Is...

    JBoss.

    1. First and foremost, JBoss has the best community. Documentation exists for all facets of using JBoss, from developing on it to deploying it to a production environment. Most of these docs exist in Wiki form on the JBoss.org website, but a Google search of any term prefixed by JBoss (ie: JBoss Administration) will return many, many relevant links. This in and of itself is the primary factor for using JBoss.
    2. While GlassFish provides the latest in JEE 5, JBoss is not far behind (actually having a release candidate with JEE 5 support available). Further, we will most likely not be harnessing a lot of the JEE 5 specification. What we will be using of the JEE 5 specification, mainly JSP and Servlet are provided, along with a JAX-WS compliant stack in the form of JBossWS.
    3. JBoss has an Eclipse plugin (as does GlassFish).
    4. JBoss’s system requirements are lower than GlassFish’s.
    5. While GlassFish’s admin console is very nice and very polished (specifically it’s log viewer), the lack of being able to run in a console window is constrictive to development. From a developer productivity standpoint, having to open up a web page and refresh the view to get the latest log files would be detrimental.
    6. Hibernate, the ORM solution we will be using, is a JBoss project, and is built directly into JBoss.

    The choice came down to JBoss vs. GlassFish. I never really considered Tomcat with Metro.

    While I really liked GlassFish, it didn't seem as suitable for a development environment. Both of them seemed completely competent in a production environment, with each having its best features. So, it came down to which would be better to develop on.

    The answer to that question is that JBoss is easier to develop on and it has the most widely available community. Those two factors weighted things to JBoss.

    Friday, October 17, 2008

    The Alarm Clock

    One of mine and Dalynn's biggest issues with Cole is that he's an extremely early riser. The child would wake up at 5:30 every morning if he could and most mornings he is up promptly at 6. I'm currently reforming my sleep patterns to get up at 5:45 am (so as to be into work at 7 am) but I still like to sleep in as much as I can, you know?

    So, one of Dalynn's friends told us about using an alarm clock to teach Cole when it's OK for him to ask to get out of bed. They recommended using a clock with hands, but we opted to try it with a digital alarm clock.

    Much to our amazement, it worked the first night we put Cole down with it. We covered up the minute digits so as not to confuse him. I showed him that night what a 6 was on the clock (I was pretty certain he already knew that, but I wanted to make sure) and reiterated several times that he couldn't get out of bed until he saw a 6.

    The next morning Cole started crying at 5:30 but rather quickly stopped. Then, promptly at 6 am, he started crying again (that's how he asks to get out of bed). When we went to get him he was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to get out of bed. I asked him later on that day if he woke up before 6, and he said that yes, he had. I asked him if he waited until it read 6, and he said he had.

    After a couple of days of this, he started saying that he went back to sleep if it didn't read 6. So, this gave me an idea. After all, it could have been coincidence as he generally wakes up right at 6 most mornings anyway, so what if the clock said, oh, 5:30 when it was actually 6? Would he wake up and ask to get out of bed, or would he wait until it read 6?

    Lo and behold, when I set his clock back a half hour, he waited until his clock read 6 before he asked to get out of bed. So, Dalynn is now able to sleep til after 6:30 most mornings before Cole is wanting to get out of bed, which is a nice state of affairs. That 30 minutes may not sound like a lot, but it is when you're pregnant (just so you know, I'm normally gone by then. Up til I got this new job we would each take two nights/mornings with the boys so the other could sleep in til 7:30. Now, with me out of the house by 6:30 am, I can't help out like I used to).

    The real test will come next week, however. He's going back on steroids, which normally brings with it a bad bout of insomnia. I'm interested to see if he'll be able to go back to sleep when he sees that it's not 6. I don't have my hopes too high, honestly, as he's not very interested in abiding by rules when he's on steroids, but one can always dream right?

    I'll let you know how it goes.

    Thursday, October 16, 2008

    The JIT Life

    Just wanted to make a note here that I've started a developer's blog. To most of you, this won't mean much, hehe. It's a blog that I'm going to use to discuss the issues I come across with my job.

    The address is: http://jitlife.blogspot.com

    Feel free to peruse it at your leisure!

    The Purpose

    So, this is my developer's blog. It's the "in vogue" thing for developers to do. I see them all over the place, so why shouldn't I have one, too?

    I've recently changed jobs and am working on a project now that is starting from the ground. I'm also the lone developer on the project. That kind of makes it my show, to a certain degree. I'm responsible to the Customer (who shall remain nameless) and to the Company (who shall also remain nameless) I work for.

    Being in on a project from the ground up is a pretty cool thing. You get to make a lot of decisions that will have a huge impact on the project months, if not years, down the line. Some of the decisions I've already made have been which language I will use: Java; what type of application it will be: a web app.

    A few decisions were made for me, including which database I'll be using, which is Microsoft SQL Server. That suits me fine, as I'm going to try to take a database agnostic approach by using Hibernate. We'll see how true to that desire I can stay later on down the road.

    It does have the up-side, or so I've heard, in that SQL Server is supposedly easy to administer. It certainly seems easier to administer than Oracle, the only other database I've worked with. The tools seem to be a lot more developed and "user-friendly". That's good in my book, as I don't want to spend all my time adminstering the database.

    The big decision I'm working on right now is what application server I'm going to be using. I've basically narrowed it down to three choices. The first is to use Tomcat augmented with the Metro web stack that is available from the GlassFish project. The second is to use the actual GlassFish server itself (or whatever lame name Sun gives it once it's released officially). The third is to use JBoss.

    I'm researching all three right now and I plan on posting here what I find and my ultimate decision.

    So, back to the purpose of this blog. I'd like to document the steps that I take as I build this application. I'd like to make note of the pitfalls I fall into and how I got out of them. I'd like for this to be part history, part road-map to how to do it better in the future.

    We'll see how it goes from here.

    Official News About Our New Addition

    Well, we had our ultra-sound yesterday and we now know what we're going to have. My Mom is so thrilled she's called me 3 times in the last 24 hours and emailed me at least twice. She's already started smocking, I do believe, and is preparing to bring out the Princess clothes on demand.

    In case you need more insight, we're having a girl. As Dalynn put it "... there was no hot dog but we saw a hamburger bun..."

    Now, before you ask, we haven't officially chosen a name, yet. There is a strong front-runner, though, and that will probably be the name we go with. Once we finalize it, I'll post it here for you.

    Having a girl is a bit frightening to me, I have to be honest. I pretty much have the boy thing wrapped up, at least up to this point. I know how to change a boy diaper, I know how to play with boys. I have no idea how to fix hair (God knows, I don't fix mine, that's for sure, and never have) or put a bow in. I think I can get the diaper changing thing relatively quickly, but what do I do when it comes time to show her how to potty on the potty? I can't just tell her to "stand and shoot"... What if I have to play Barbies or My Little Ponies? I'm certainly not up on that kind of thing. Being the oldest of 3 boys (initially) and not having lived at home when we adopted Katy, I'm a little bit behind the curve.

    For all of you girl parents out there (and here, I'm specifically thinking of Lori, Becca and Sara Beth) we'll be coming for your clothes!

    That's the other thing, we have boy clothes coming out of our yin-yang. Oh, and we have boy toys, too. But, nary a girl clothing is to be found in our home (and only a few girl toys...). Somehow, though, I doubt that us finding suitable hand-me-downs will deter Dalynn from stopping and shopping at every little girls department she can find! She told me one day when we were looking for some clothes for Cole before he was born, "If we ever have a girl, we're in trouble. I'll buy everything I see."

    Also, I hear all the time about how daddies are crazy about their little girls. Now, I'm crazy about my boys, so to imply that there is a level of craziness yet to be attained is a little bit... overwhelming.

    So, a girl seems to me to indicate Barbie-styled Pink Insanity... Yeah, that can be a little frightening!

    All in all, though, I'm thrilled. I've been thinking for a while now that I'd be disappointed if we never had a little girl, simply because I'd like to see what the experience on the other side of the coin is like. I have a feeling that I'll be even happier once I get to really experience it.

    Tuesday, October 7, 2008

    Mysterious Ways

    I mentioned in a previous post that things were not going well with my job. In fact, I would have been laid off October 1, 2008. The beautiful part is that I started my new job October 2, 2008!

    The way that things collapsed at my old job was frightening. It was through no fault of our team that we were basically fired from the contract. A lot of political wrangling went on, and we all got caught in the middle.

    Because Bridgeborn is such a small company, they couldn't carry us across contracts, especially since they didn't really have anywhere to carry us too. Of our 7 person team, 2 resigned (me and another developer) and 4 were laid off.

    The job that I have now, though, is nothing short of a blessing from the Lord. I'm working as a contractor to ODU in support of 2 research scientists research for a 5 year contract with DHS. I'm contracted through a company based out of northern Virginia. I'm going to keep their name confidential for now.

    What I can tell you is that I got a much needed pay raise and much better benefits upon switching jobs. I also learned a lot in the negotiation process when I was negotiating for my salary.

    Better yet, this new job is a fresh project and I'm free to construct the software I'll be developing as I see fit. I'm still learning about the theory that I'll be working with, so once I have some more concrete understanding of it, I'll post a brief synopsis here.

    Being in on a project from the ground up is an awesome resume builder. Being involved in (or, in my case, actually making) the architecture decisions gives you such an awesome overview of what it will take to build a project. I'm researching application servers right now, and I get to choose what other software we're going to be using. It's all very cool from a very geeky perspective.

    All in all, I just wanted to let all of you know that the Lord has been providing for our family in a powerful way here recently. Being without a job for 1 day would have been disastrous for us, considering Cole's cancer. We have not been without insurance at all and knowing that we'll be able to afford the mini-van we're going to have to buy is really all that we could have asked for (and is in fact what we were asking for). The reality, though, is that the Lord has provided beyond what we were asking.

    I'd like to take this opportunity to publicly thank Bridgeborn.

    They supported us through a very difficult time and they supported us with class. One of the things we kept hearing while we were in the hospital is that a lot of companies will initially support a family for a few months, then quietly let the person go.

    Not so with Bridgeborn. We were in the hospital for no less than 7 weeks, and they allowed me to be with my son the entire time. They provided a laptop for us so that we could communicate with the outside world and so that I could work from the hospital (which I did). They also made it known to me that I would have unlimited personal/sick leave so that I could see to Cole's treatment.

    All of that combined meant that we could focus on Cole's treatment and not have to worry about whether or not I was going to lose my job at the same time. That kind of assurance is so invaluable in times of trouble.

    I'm going to miss our team, and I'm going to miss the other folks at Bridgeborn, but I'm happy that the Lord provided in such an amazing way.

    Monday, September 22, 2008

    The Quicksilver Knight and the Air Show

    We had a really good weekend. Just plain and simple, it was a really good weekend.

    Friday afternoon, around 6, I took Cole and Logan to the park. We're at a stage now where Cole pretty much does his own thing while I ride herd on Logan. It's not a bad place to be, and I can manage both boys with little problem over a wide area of space.

    On our way home, Cole was a little disappointed to leave, so I decided to tell Cole a story about the Quicksilver Knight. Cole is the Quicksilver Knight (he was wearing a Quiksilver shirt, hehe), you see, and so I told him about all of the amazing things he had done. Like the time he rode through the forest and heard a damsel in distress. Upon investigating, he found her cornered by a dragon. He fought off the dragon and rescued the damsel.

    Cole took to the idea like it was genius. All the way home, I regaled him with his exploits and reinforced in him how courageous and just the Quicksilver Knight is. Once we got home, I put a jacket on him and told him it was his Quicksilver Knight jacket, and we went back outside to see Dalynn (who was talking with some neighbors). Cole hurriedly told Mommy all about what he had done as the Quicksilver Knight. There was much posing and running around in the story-telling. It was awesome.

    Later that night, Dalynn interrupted him when he was talking to me, and Cole said, "Mommy, when the Quicksilver Knight is talking, you listen!" It was rather cute, and we couldn't help but laugh. I'm sure we don't want to encourage that kind of behavior, but hey, once won't kill us (or him).

    Another added benefit of Cole's new persona is that I have him convinced that all the scary monsters are afraid of the Quicksilver Knight. It's pretty cool to see him boldly walking into a dark room because he knows that the monsters won't get him, he's the Quicksilver Knight!

    On Saturday, we took the boys to the NAS Oceana air show from about 10:30 am to about 1:30 pm. We went with our friends Anthony, Nerissa and Raymond. Both the boys were mesmerized by the planes and the noises. Neither were afraid of all the loud noises. We got the boys a helicopter toy (which Logan proceeded to demolish over a period of 24 hours) and a die-cast model of an F-4 Phantom II which is currently Cole's favorite possession.

    That night, we went down to the ocean front to watch a dusk parachute jump. We had pizza at North End Pizza (which was good) and then headed out onto the board walk just in time to see a plane flying around that was setting off fireworks off of itself. Very cool. Then, another plane flew overhead and out jumped 5 men with boot streamers lit. They parachuted all the way down to a cleared space on the beach. We got right up in the front line of the circle and were able to watch two more waves of jumpers as they landed. It was all very cool stuff.

    Sunday, we went to church and just took it easy.

    Not a bad weekend to have before Cole gets chemo tomorrow.

    Thursday, September 11, 2008

    Cult of Personality

    There's been a lot of "uncertainty" at work recently. Uncertainty of the type that causes one to question whether or not they will have a job after a certain date. I'm not going to go into the details much more than that, but that should give you enough of a clue what to pray for, I should hope.

    All of this uncertainty has lead me to question a lot of things about myself, and I'd like to share one of those things with you. I believe the Lord uses these times in our lives, these "wake-up calls", in order to shake up our insides. After all, if things are going smoothly then what reason is there to question your core beliefs as it appears that they are obviously working (and are therefor presumed correct), right?

    In all of this recent turmoil, I've come to realize that I can fall prey to the "Cult of Personality". A cult of personality is when you believe in someone beyond their ability to perform, to the point that you begin to see them as your possible "protector", or worse yet, your "savior". It's a bit like attributing God-like power to a mere mortal.

    Now, we do this all the time with our country leaders. Take FDR, he had an amazing power to make people believe that he was the man that could accomplish the job. He made people believe that it was impossible for him to fail. Another good example is Obama. Something about Obama makes you want to believe that he can do all that he claims he can do (at least, I feel that way when I hear him speak, he's very persuasive). But, beyond that, you are lead down the path of believing that he, and perhaps he alone, can cure all of our country's woes.

    The fact that we do it all the time doesn't make it right. In fact, it's a form of idolatry. Remember that whole "Thou shalt not have any other gods before me" thing? Yep, I'd say this qualifies.

    So, how did this play out in my life? Quite simply, actually. There is a man who had shepherded our project from day one. He was our champion and stepped in to defend us when it was necessary. He is a quite larger than life kind of guy, one of those men that you instantly like because he's so brash but so compassionate. He's pretty real.

    I had only met him once or twice, but I had heard story after story about his exploits on our behalf. I came to believe that he, and he alone, would protect us through any hard times that arose.

    This all occurred over about a 2 year period. Within the past few months, though, I started recognizing what I had been caught up in. The Holy Spirit was talking to me about it, quite honestly. I started asking questions like, "Why do I see this man as my savior?", or "Why do I think that he is the only one that can protect us?"

    Now, in my life, when it comes time to challenge a view that I have, I ask myself questions. I was actively challenging this view, and rightly so. I had started praying that the Lord would protect our project (which is the source of my income that supports our family) and I asked him to help me remove my faith in this man and place it in the Lord.

    Then, about a month ago, the unthinkable happened. Our project was removed from this man's domain. We were quite literally snatched out of his hands. He rallied to our defense, but he was powerless to effect any kind of change and we were placed in someone else's domain, someone who we knew didn't wish us well. It's all very political, but the easiest way that I can describe it to you is that we were basically delivered bound and captive to our enemies, people who had wanted control over us for a long time.

    To say that I felt helpless is an understatement. I was fearful and afraid of what would happen, and things only continued to get worse. They got about as bad as they could get, actually.

    Then, a new man stepped in and started acting as our potential protector. We are now in his domain, and he is a man with serious clout. He took a shine to what we were doing and started down the path of acting as our protector.

    Once again, I found myself being caught up in the cult of personality: "Maybe this man will save us, maybe this man will provide!"

    I quickly removed my thoughts from that path, though, as I realized what it was. I once again asked the Lord to be my protector and provider.

    Things still look bad, and I'm still stressed about a lot. This is not an easy time, to say the least. The potential for disaster looming in the wings is huge. My main concern is how will I provide for Cole's health care if I should lose my job? After that, how will I provide for our family at all?

    No, it's not an easy time, but it is made easier by the fact that I'm not foolishly putting my trust in someone that can, and may, fail. If our project is saved then I will rightly attribute it to the Lord, and not to any man.

    Wednesday, August 27, 2008

    Something Else to be Thankful For



    Something else to be thankful for! Cole got to go fishing for the very first time while we were in Wilmington. Let me tell you, he's a natural. Every time he put his line in the water he pulled a fish, or sometimes two, up. Granddaddy was quite pleased with the whole event. It was also my first time fishing in about, oh, 25 years.

    Now, I watch this, and I just think that in January, this was a little boy who couldn't walk...

    Things to Be Thankful Over

    Man, it's been about a month again, but this time, I'm going to have a positive post.

    Things don't seem so overwhelming as they did, which is good, and over the last month I've remembered many things that I have to be thankful for.

    Before all of that, though, let me point you to the story of a little girl named Kathryn Leggett. Kathryn has a very rare form of cancer and has just been moved out of the PICU at Duke, back into a regular ward bed. If you'd like to see God at work, read over the last week or so of her Caring Bridge page. Please keep her and her family in your prayers as they face a rough road ahead of them as Kathryn recovers from a bad bout of pancreatitis.

    I took last week off of work and Dalynn, the boys and I went to Wilmington. We stayed from Friday to Thursday. It was a very wild, hectic week, but we all survived.

    During our stay there, Cole and I got so spend a lot of time in the pool. He learned to swim with swimmies on (the little blow-up balloons you put on kids arms), which was a lot of fun for both of us. At one point, it suddenly struck me that if Cole had a line, we wouldn't be in the pool. We wouldn't be able to go to the beach. He wouldn't even be able to take baths as much as he does (which he loves again, by the way). So, I'm thankful that Cole doesn't have a line.

    While we were in Wilmington, Logan came down with rotovirus (a kind of really bad stomach virus that kids can get, but that they can pass on to adults). It's a long story on how he got it, but he did get it from Cole. When Logan got it, he ran a 104.5 fever at one point and had these really nasty green poops. But, when Cole had it, he only had the nasty green poops, not the huge fever. If he'd had the fever, we'd have been in the hospital while they tried to figure it all out, so at least one night in the emergency room, if not a full admission. I'm thankful for that, too. I'm also thankful that Dalynn and I didn't get it (although my mom did). That would have been especially tough on Dalynn with her pregnancy.

    There are a lot of other things I'm thankful for, but which I can't really go into right now, unfortunately. Just know that we are all doing well, and even though we're faced with challenges daily, we overcome them daily, as well.

    Wednesday, July 30, 2008

    Discouragment

    Man, it's been a month since I last posted. Where does the time go?

    I have to say, though, that I'm very discouraged today. I imagine that most of all my discouragement comes from worry, to be quite honest.

    Here's what I'm worrying about:

    • Cole got chemo yesterday, so that's at least a week, probably two, of a little boy who is totally out of sorts.
    • We had our A/C replaced yesterday. The whole kit and caboodle.
    • We have to have extra work done due to the A/C being replaced (things like holes in ceilings patched and holes in walls patched).
    • We're going to have to get a mini-van, and with the money we're spending for the A/C would have gone directly to a mini-van.
    I know I shouldn't worry, but how do you stop something like that. It takes ridiculous amounts of self-control to not worry when it's weighing so heavily on your mind. Maybe the weighing heavily part is worrying in and of itself. I'm not real sure.

    What I do know is that this morning I feel pretty discouraged. The funny thing is that I'm not even worrying about the direct issues. For instance, I'm not so much worried about finding a van, I'm worried about whether or not it'll be a good one and whether or not I can prevent us from being taken advantage of. Or, barring being taken advantage of, that I'll miss some kind of deal that would have been better.

    That's how I feel with the A/C, too. I don't think that we got taken advantage of. We got multiple quotes and they were all within the ballpark of each other. I think what got me there was the financing. I keep thinking that there was a better financing option.

    Fear of the unknown. Fear of what I might have missed. That's what is causing my worry. Kind of silly when I think about it "logically". It's a shame that my emotions aren't logical, huh?

    Monday, June 30, 2008

    News News News

    Well, the big news on our front is that Dalynn is pregnant. Let me just say that we were doing everything we could to not become pregnant! As a matter of fact, Dalynn was going to have Mirena put in this month. Mirena is an IUD that also has a low dose of birth control. It's effective for 5 years.

    That 5 years part makes me wonder at the timing of all of this. As in, this is the Lord's timing, and not our own. Both of us had been thinking, privately, that 2 was enough. We also had both stated that we didn't want a 3rd while Cole was undergoing treatment. Combine all of that with a birth control that is effective for 5 years, and perhaps we never would have had another child. It's easy to get into a frame of mind when complacency is an option.

    To say that we were shocked is an understatement. I believe "floored" is more appropriate. Dalynn recovered faster than I did, though. It took me about a day to get over the shock of it all. It certainly didn't fit into any of my plans for our family right now. We certainly didn't need to borrow trouble...

    But, trouble is what this baby is not, and I've come to accept that. The logistics of it all are still prone to make me feel like the bottom has dropped out from underneath me, but we have 8 more months to begin coping with all of that.

    When Dalynn told Cole that "there's a baby growing in Mommy's belly", Cole responded with the statement, "A baby girl." He says "girl" like you would say "grill", it's quite cute. Logan has been vary tacit on the situation, though. We wonder if he's already lamenting the loss of his position as the baby...

    Speaking of Logan, he's walking, now. And I mean, walking. He can motor around the house and has started playing chase with Cole and I. Normally, he's the chaser, as he hasn't quite figured out how to be an effective chasee. He still hasn't figured out how to stand up without something to lean on, but once he's up, he's off.

    It's quite interesting to see how differently our children are developing. By this age (10.5 months) Cole was talking, but Logan isn't. I think he has a total of 4 words: "bye", "momma", "ba-ba" (bottle) and "dada". "Dada" he says very rarely. Conversely, Cole didn't walk until 13 months, while Logan has been walking for 2 weeks. So, in that regard, Logan is more advanced physically than Cole was. All the differences are quite fascinating.

    Finally, discipline has become some kind of monumental feat. On the weekends, when I'm around all day, I feel like I do nothing but discipline (mainly Cole). Dalynn feels like she spends all of her time disciplining. If 5 minutes go by without me having to say something, it's quite unusual.

    I think the difficult thing for us, and something we haven't figured out how to balance, is how to draw the line between being in treatment and being 2. We want to have grace if something is being caused by being in treatment. If Cole is just feeling run-down due to his chemo we don't want to drag him around the city. If he's cranky for the same reason, we would prefer to allow him to take a nap.

    On the other hand if he's being demanding because he's 2, well, we want to nip that in the bud. It's just that often times, it's difficult to figure out which one is which. What makes it more difficult is that Cole is learning how to manipulate us! In the middle of being disciplined, he'll tell us, "I hurt!" or "I'm tired!". He doesn't, not really, but it's hard to be discerning enough to know when he's pulling the wool over our eyes.

    I've never raised a 2 year old before, so I have no real frame of reference. I can't say for sure that raising a 2 year old in treatment for cancer is more difficult (though my hunch is that it is), but I can certainly say that raising a 2 year old in treatment for cancer is more confusing!

    Wednesday, June 11, 2008

    Disturbia

    I listen to this band called Disturbed. Their music is, quite ironically, rather disturbed. Lots of angst and anguish and difficult topics.

    From what I have read, though, they sing from their (collective) heart. One song that has recently come out is about the lead singer walking in on his girlfriend having committed suicide. That's a tough topic, but what makes it disturbing is that the song is about him having a conversation with the devil in the immediate aftermath, and the devil is trying to convince him that he needs to take his life, as well.

    The song is called Inside the Fire, and it's a good song. Most of their stuff is good, that's why it's been on my constant play list for a few weeks.

    But, why am I bringing this up? It's certainly not to highlight my music as a way of proselytizing you. If I was going to do that, I certainly wouldn't start with Disturbed. I'd start somewhere much saner. Somewhere like Fuel or Breaking Benjamin.

    I bring it up as a way of highlighting what my ideal mental goal used to be. By that, I mean the angst-driven way of viewing life. In my former way of viewing life the more angst or deep-gutted emotion that something in life generated, the better. I think that I thought that for an event to have some kind of meaning, it had to have some kind of (mostly) negative impact on my life.

    I used to be terrified that my life would end up "normal" or, God forbid, "cheesy". Maybe a better way of saying that is that I was terrified of the mundane. And, what could be more mundane than having two kids and going to a job everyday?

    But, tonight, I started thinking about my life and I have to say I find nothing mundane about it. I'm not talking about the cancer part, either. I'm honestly happier now than I can say I've ever been. I guess that I was wrong when I thought that angst was the key to happiness. Go figure.

    Sunday, June 1, 2008

    Well, it's been 2 weeks since I last posted, but this is one of those situations where no news is good news. It's so much easier to keep a regular posting regimen going when there's a lot of bad stuff (or even just some bad stuff) to report. When nothing of note is happening I consider that a good thing, especially considering the last 6 months.

    I will report, however, that the great yard experiment is a success! I roto-tilled part of our backyard (about 2/3), seeded and fertilized it. I now have swaths of lush, green grass to rub my toes in. There are a few bare spots, but I've reseeded since then and that will hopefully take care of that. Having a "nice" yard is surprisingly satisfying, and I certainly take too much pride in it. But, I'll take what I can, hehe.

    I've also maintained my swimming and am now up to 3/4 of a mile each time I swim. It took me two weeks to work up to 3/4 of a mile (which is 27 50 yard laps). Considering that the first time I went swimming I had to take a break to catch my breath after I was done with 4 laps, I consider what I've done to this point pretty monumental. Not only that, but two of the guys I work with are also going to start swimming, as well. Maybe we can have some kind of competition to spur us all on.

    I can't say for sure if I've lost any weight yet, but I think I can tell a difference in my face and belly. It certainly seems easier to see my toes. I'm kind of disappointed that I never did take that "before" picture. I should still take one, and just make a note that it was taken at the 2.5 week mark. I also don't know what my starting weight was, nor do I know what my weight is now. For me, fitting into my clothes better will be a good indicator of success. Fitting into a waste size of 36 will be a resounding success (I wear a size 38 waste now, and that was getting a bit snug).

    Logan is doing great. He took his first steps the other day, but has only repeated them once so far. I missed the first ones, but caught his second out of the corner of my eye. I expect that he's going to be a hard one to pin down once he finally gets his feet under him. He's already climbing the steps and he's quick about that. If you don't watch him, he'll zip up the steps before you can do anything about it.

    Cole is also doing well. He has continued to recover his mobility skills and is now at a point again where he's running. It's not fast, but it's a definite run. He's climbing playground equipment again as well. I have to say, he made it through delayed intensification way better than I thought he would.

    Tuesday sees him getting another dose of vincristine and a 5 day course of steroids, blah. It's hard to say which of those two I hate the most. Vincristine for the constipation and consequent enemas or steroids for how moody and hungry he gets. Probably the steroids. Still, 5 days is easier to deal with than 21 or 28. I will count my blessings there.

    Friday, May 16, 2008

    I Did It!

    Well, I officially started working out today.

    I joined the VB Rec Centers yesterday and headed out to the pool today. I swam 1/2 a mile in about 30 minutes, which is an agonizingly slow pace, but at least I did it.

    I think I can get that to a mile in 30 minutes if I really work at it. That's one of my goals for now. My other goal is to swim 30 minutes, Monday/Wednesday/Friday for a month. I think that if I can just get started, I'll keep it up. I'll be going during my lunch break and will be arriving to work a half hour early on the days that I swim. That allows 45 minutes for swimming and shower and 45 minutes for lunch.

    I'll have to weigh myself somewhere, but I figure I'm around 235 lbs right now, which is close to the biggest I've ever been. I'd like to get back in the neighborhood of 200 lbs. I'll also probably take a "before" picture tonight and, if I'm not too embarrassed, when I get an "after" picture I'll post em side by side. Hopefully the "after" picture will do me better justice than I know the "before" picture will.

    That's a whole lot of plans, but maybe if I blog about it, I'll stay honest. Besides, it feels good to blog about something other than cancer...

    Wow...


    MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

    This is one of the weirdest things I've seen in a while, but it's so COOL!

    Wednesday, May 14, 2008

    Dance Dance!



    Baylee and Cole have quite a career as ballroom dancers, I'm thinking.

    We're sad to say that Baylee and her family are moving this weekend. They have been such a blessing to us before, but especially during, Cole's treatment. Peter is in the Navy and is being transferred. That's a pretty common story around here, but it's none the less sad for all of that.

    Cole and Baylee get along so well, and play so well together. I know that Cole will miss Baylee. Cole wants to go over there every night (though that might be to play with all of Baylee's toys, hmmm...).

    So, we're sad to see them go, and wish them all the best! Hopefully, we'll all be able to get together at some point and do some catching up.

    It's been a while since I posted, sorry about that. Let me give you a quick update on how things are going.

    Cole is doing wonderful. He's now in maintenance, which is awesome. Not to say that things can't still be difficult, but we're through the official hard parts.

    Just two days ago, Cole and I went outside and he played in the court with all the other kids just like a normal 2 year old. He's walking and climbing well, dancing (as you can see) and in general is a delight to be around. He has enormous amounts of energy, let me tell you. We often wonder where he gets it from. He just goes and goes.

    Logan is also doing well, though he has a little virus right now. His first teeth are peeking through and he's mobile. There's just no other way to describe it, hehe. The virus isn't really keeping him down that much. He still follows Cole and I around while we're all playing.

    I think one of the funniest things about Logan is that he gets frustrated so easy, and when he's frustrated, he starts yelling. He gets frustrated when he can't open the bathroom door. He gets frustrated if you don't turn the pages of a book fast enough. He gets frustrated if you don't feed him fast enough. All of these are accompanied by a very vocal declamation of his frustration. I think he gets it from Dalynn, to be quite honest... ;)

    Dalynn and I are also doing well. We're trying to plan some family trips this summer to see our extended families. Scheduling is a little difficult, as we're limited in our windows for travel. Cole gets big chemo at the beginning of every month, and that pretty much shoots the next week down. He just doesn't feel well enough to travel. So, there's really only 2.5 to 3 weeks a month that we can do something in. Hey, at least we have that, right?

    We'd like to take the boys up to DC this summer, as well, to meet their great-great Grandma Steger. She's in her 90s and still lives by herself just outside of DC. When we go, we'll take the boys to see the Natural History Museum, the Air and Space Museum and the National Zoo. Logan's a little young to remember it, but we're pretty sure that Cole will love it. I can't say what excites me most, taking Cole to see dinosaur skeletons or taking Cole to see real live rocket ships...

    Monday, May 5, 2008

    There Go I...

    We got word yesterday that one of the kids we know from clinic died this week. Her name was Cyndol. I didn't know her, but Dalynn did, and she was devastated. Cole also knew her, and when asked if he remembered her, he said "yes".

    I'm not very sure on the details, but here's what I know. Cyndol had just undergone her second battle with cancer, having been diagnosed a few years ago, treated and then relapsed. She had some form of bone cancer, I believe. She was in remission for the second time and her and her parents had opted for a stem cell transplant as a means of keeping the cancer from coming back. Apparently, something happened and "what could have gone wrong did".

    First off, please remember her family and friends in your prayers. She was a teenager, and I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child when they were in remission... Losing Cole now would be way more devastating than if we had lost him right after he was diagnosed.

    That's not to say that it would ever be easy to lose a child, or that I even know what that would feel like. Thank God, I don't. Nor do I ever, quite honestly. But, what I'm getting at is that when Cole was undergoing induction and right after, he was so sick, it wouldn't have been as bad a shock (how do you say that and not have it sound bad?). Now that he's healthy and in remission it would be horrendous, mainly to think that he had made it through, he was safe, and then to find out that he wasn't safe at all...

    I can't imagine what Cyndol's family is going through right now. All that I know is that my heart cries out to God for them. It must be horrible, and I can only imagine that nothing will ease the pain.

    Probably the best recap and memorial I can offer is from Sky's mother: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/boobear1

    Sky is another of the clinic kids, and she's a wonderful little girl. She and Cyndol were close, apparently, and this is hard on them, as well...

    Sunday, April 27, 2008

    Mortality

    Something has been niggling at my brain about Cole for a few weeks. It finally hit me tonight while Cole and I were outside playing with some neighborhood kids.

    Before Cole got sick, he always had this devil-may-care twinkle in his eyes. He just looked like he was up to something most of the time. This is the first picture I ever took with our digital camera, and it's a little old, but it portrays the idea I'm talking about:


    Besides being adorably cute, doesn't he look like he's up to something?

    Now, take a look at the picture that heads the top of the column on the right. I see a happy boy, but I don't really see the devil-may-care twinkle.

    I was watching Cole interact with the neighborhood kids tonight, and a couple of them were riding scooters. Whenever they'd come riding by, Cole would crowd up to me on the sidewalk and kind of hide behind me. This struck me as a little different than Cole might have acted before he got sick.

    I started wondering what the difference was, and it didn't take me long to arrive at the conclusion that Cole is somehow aware of his own mortality. I'm sure that that's not how he would think of it, but he's aware that things can go wrong. And, I guess they have for him at times.

    So, with him hiding behind me on the sidewalk, I started thinking about how old I was when I think I realized that I was mortal. I was probably between 17 and 21. It seems sad to me that Cole should be aware of this at this age, and I can only hope that the realization fades.

    I had a lot more I wanted to say, but it's kind of all out the window, now. I hope you can just read between the lines.

    Friday, April 25, 2008

    Some Updates and the End of Delayed Intensification

    Well, Dalynn pointed out the other night that I haven't uploaded any pictures since, well, November. So, I went through about 3 months worth of pictures today and uploaded some of the best. They can be found here.

    I hope you enjoy them, there are quite a few of Logan, and more than a few movies. No captions, sorry, but I think the pictures will speak for themselves.

    Let's see, what else? Well, Cole is doing well, and yesterday we finished with delayed intensification! That's huge news.

    I got to take Cole to his clinic visit yesterday and we had a good time despite his being cranky. And I mean C-R-A-N-K-Y... Still, once he got some mac-n-cheese in him, he perked right up (and after we got the needle sticking through).

    Sticking is something Dalynn and I are considering deeply right now. Currently Cole doesn't have a line in. That means that there is no line maintenance (we had to flush both ports on his CVL every day when he had it). That also means we can bathe him as we see fit, and don't have to worry about dressing changes afterwards.

    The down side is that he has to get stuck every clinic visit so that they can check his counts and if he needs some kind of medicine or blood they have to start an IV. Believe me when I tell you that the blood draw is bad enough, and the IV sticking (which uses a much larger needle) is down-right terrible.

    Ideally, they could fit him with a port-a-cath. But, if you remember, they tried that before and couldn't get it in due to Cole having a blood clot at his "junction". That's the place just outside your heart where your two major veins/arteries come together and go into your heart. The clot is there from his first line, his PICC, and due to it they couldn't thread the catheter in for the port-a-cath.

    In case you don't remember, and why should you (I have a hard enough time keeping all this straight, and I'm involved...), a port-a-cath is a permanent line that actually resides just under the skin. It is less prone to infection and doesn't have to be handled in any special manner. It's the Cadillac of lines.

    To access it they use a right angle needle and just push it through the skin that is right over the port. They can numb that skin with a topical pain killer so that the patient doesn't even really feel it. The only thing they can't do is draw blood off of it. So, even if he had a port, they'd still have to stick him to draw blood.

    But, that's all assuming they could actually get the port, or any other type of line, in past his clot. Once the line is in, there's always the chance of infection, too. Installing any major type of line is a major surgery, too.

    So, do we continue to try to get our 2 year old son used to being stuck on a regular basis, or do we try for another risky and potentially unsuccessful surgery?

    It's a tough decision. The best thing that could happen is that his clot would dissolve, and then we could easily get a port in, even if that would mean another surgery (and more scars)...

    Monday, April 21, 2008

    What Do You Do with a Dead Whale?

    This simply speaks for itself:


    Thursday, April 17, 2008

    Surprise Surprise

    Well, they discharged Cole yesterday around 6 pm. He was happy to go home and see his little brother and Granddaddy.

    He starts his second round of Cytarabine today, so we're praying he doesn't run any fevers, as that would put us straight back into the hospital. Please pray with us.

    Tuesday, April 15, 2008

    New Cancer Treatment?

    This isn't something that Cole would need, as hopefully he'll be cured by the time this rolls out, but here's a nifty 60 Minutes report on a potential new cancer treatment that would have very little side effects.

    Line Out

    Well, Cole's line is out. It came out last night and they started an IV at the same point. Before they took the line out, though, they topped him off with some red blood, so hopefully he'll be feeling even better.

    Dalynn and I are now planning on being in the hospital for at least another week, perhaps longer. One of the doctors has made noises about us going home soon, but we're not putting much stock in that. Our thinking is that we may just opt to stay in for another week.

    The reason is that his ANC is going to be down below 500 and he starts cytaribine again on Thursday. With cytaribine, he seems to run a low grade fever. Since his ANC is below 500, if he does run a fever then that's an automatic trip to the hospital for an extended stay til such a time as either his counts come back up or his fever goes away for at least 24 hours. Consequently, we'd probably end up leaving the hospital for a day only to find ourselves right back in.

    We've done that before (left the hospital for a day, only to turn right around and come back) and it's really just not worth it. It takes forever to get admitted, first off, and now we're "set up" at the hospital. We have a bunch of clothes there, food for Cole, we have toys from the play room and we have a room that we like. Why pack all that up, haul it home for a night, then go back?

    So, we're looking at this as being in for the "long haul". Hopefully it won't be for more than a week, but if it is, we're prepared.

    Monday, April 14, 2008

    It's the Line, Jim!

    If you can pinpoint that title reference, then you're a true geek.

    The second culture came back positive, so it's definitely a line infection. Further, since Cole's ANC dropped below 500 today, he's starting on IV anti-fungals.

    Now, if you analyze that series of statements closely, you'll see that there's a problem. The quick treatment for a line infection is to remove the line. But, if we remove the line, how is he going to get the IV anti-fungals?

    Well, the short answer is that they're going to put in an IV, but that means we can't go home since he must be at the hospital while he has an IV in. The possibility is that we'll be in the hospital for a bit.

    Of course, they could always wait a few days and put in another line, such as a PICC line, for the duration of the IV anti-fungals, then pull that one as soon as he's done with the anti-fungals. But, really, another line... I guess I'm OK with that, but I'll be happy the day that we can put all lines behind us. They're such a pain, though they do allow for some convenience and less pain.

    Even after all of Cole's lines are pulled, though, he'll still need to have IV access at least once a month for his Vincristine, but we're planning on just letting them put in an IV while he's at clinic. At this point, with all the troubles we've had with lines we feel that the down-side of the pain is balanced by the lack of an infection vector. I hate to do it to him but I know he can handle it. Still, that whole logic seems cold to me...

    So, they're pulling his CVL tonight. I do have to take this moment, though, to stop and thank God for the fact that we rode that CVL for 2 months. It was a temporary, and it should have lasted 3 weeks tops. To get it to function for 2 months with as little trouble as we did have (it only had to be TPA'ed twice, for instance) is nigh on miraculous.

    Sunday, April 13, 2008

    In the Hospital Yet Again

    We spent yesterday in the ER when Cole spiked a slight fever (100.5) and held it for an hour. By our "rules" that meant we had to take Cole in, and since it was the weekend, we went to the CHKD ER around 8 am.

    They ran all of the normal cultures, treated him with an antibiotic and released us to go home. The expectation was that we'd be coming back the next day (Sunday, which is today) if he ran another fever at all (which he did). However, much to our surprise, we got a call at 3 am this morning from the hospital. They had cultured a gram-positive cocci bacteria from the cultures they took on Saturday and they wanted us to come in immediately.

    So, at 3 am we hauled ourselves out of bed, got Cole and his diaper bag and took off for the ER yet again. Long story short is that we're now admitted to 8B, room 801, again and we're likely to be here through at least Tuesday, perhaps longer.

    The best scenario is that the culture is a contaminant. If it is, then it won't culture again. If it doesn't culture again, and he doesn't run any more fevers then we're sprung and we can go home. Of course, we've been down the "hoping for a conatminant" road before and I don't particularly feel like putting my hope in that.

    Second best scenario is that it isn't a contaminant but it responds to the antibiotics that he's getting already, in which case we could still get out of here sooner rather than later.

    The "no fever" part may pose a problem, however, as we're pretty certain Cole is running low grade fevers due to a chemo, cytaribine, that he's currently getting. Tomorrow is his last dose of it, though, so hopefully we can keep the fevers to a minimum.

    It's hard not to want to just get out of here. I truly find the hospital to be a dragging, dull place. The atmosphere is lightened by Cole himself and the staff here, but it's still hard not to resent just being here. My mood, though, has gotten better since I got a little bit of sleep. A little...

    I think it's easier on Dalynn, but I can't figure out why. I think it may have something to do with feeling comfortable with being in someone else's care, whereas I don't take as much comfort from that. It's really hard to say. Maybe it's just a guy thing, lol!

    The main thing that I keep telling myself, though, is that it's important for Cole to get better. So, I'm constantly revising my impatience with that. Not an easy thing to continually do, but it's possible.

    All in all, though, I do feel a peace, whether or not it's the peace of the Holy Spirit, I honestly can't say, but I feel a peace. I'm not overly concerned with the bacteria, and part of that is that Dr. Werner, the most conservative of the oncology docs, isn't overly concerned with it. Part of me figures that if he doesn't see a reason to worry and be cautious, then there may be no reason to.

    Wednesday, April 9, 2008



    This is a video of our other child, Logan. I pulled out my guitar tonight and Logan decided he'd break it down for us.

    I quite honestly don't mention Logan a lot, but I'd like to change that. As you can imagine we've been very focused on Cole's treatment, but we haven't forgotten about Logan at all. I'll give you a little update on him.

    He's recently, in the past two weeks, started motoring around on all fours. You put him down in one spot, turn your back, and he's gone. A couple days ago, I put him down in the living room, then went to get some water. I hadn't even started putting the water in the cup when a horrendous crash came out of the living room. Dalynn and I ran in there as fast as we could, but Logan was fine. He was up on his knees, looking at the table he'd just pulled over, wondering what all the noise was about.

    He also thinks his brother is the best thing since sliced bread and a very tasty teething ring. Logan, Cole and I spent the morning before I went to work playing. We were playing on the floor and Logan kept leaning over and trying to bite Cole. Cole was not a fan of this, "He's touching me!" However, if Logan wasn't trying to gum Cole to death, he just wanted to be near him. It's was very sweet.

    I'll try to keep you all up to date on Logan as well as Cole.

    Cole starts the second leg of delayed intensification tomorrow. He's done with the first leg, and is recovering well, though we don't know how the next leg will effect him. Our prayer request now is that Cole will not have any side effects from this next leg, specifically that he won't run a fever. A lot of kids run fevers as a side effect, and since they're neutropenic, that's a passport to the hospital until the fever clears up. Being in the hospital is very difficult, so we'd prefer to not go there.

    Monday, March 31, 2008

    Cole's Star

    My cousin, Jeff, was deeply moved when Cole was diagnosed with Leukemia. So much so that he wanted to do something very special for us. His answer was an amazingly touching thing to do.

    Jeff had a star named after Cole.

    If you look at this link here you'll see a group of numbered stars. The star "Cole Michael Rollins" is star #89.

    The star is in/near the constellation Hercules and is also designated Her89. Here's another information page about it. It's on FTP for some reason, but it still displays.

    This last week saw Grammy and Katy joining us. They left on Sunday, and I was quite bummed that they did. It was a great visit, and Dalynn and I were able to get out 3 times by ourselves, once for dinner with our friends Anthony and Nerissa (and Raymond, too).

    So far, we have to say, Delayed Intensification has been better than we expected. We attribute that to a direct answer to prayer. All in all, Cole's side-effects haven't been as bad. We were really afraid that things would be as bad as they were during Induction. Instead, we have had a relatively side-effect free time. Relatively, mind you.

    Cole has still had some side-effects, but they just haven't been anywhere near as bad. He's been pooping better (he pooped today, as a matter of fact, 3 times so far) and he's been sleeping well. He still wakes up once a night, but that's nowhere near as bad as the 3 to 4 times a night he'd wake up during Induction. Dalynn and I are still alternating every 2 nights. So I take 2 nights on, and then she takes 2 nights on. It's very manageable.

    Lisa will arrive tomorrow and she'll be here through the end of the week, most likely. Then Megan comes.

    We're still not sure what we're going to do during the second half of DI. The problem is that we have to wait for Cole's ANC to recover (that's the count that determines if he's neutropenic or not). That could take as long as 3 weeks.

    Once his counts have recovered, then we embark on a two week course of completely new chemo. Some of it will be given daily by shot, too, which we're not looking forward to. We've heard that some kids fly through this stage of DI, and some end up in the hospital with side-effect caused fever.

    Please pray that Cole flies through it, and please pray that we continue to have a better time of things than we did in Induction.

    Saturday, March 22, 2008

    The Poop Table Rides Again and Cole Holds a Grudge

    Well, it was kind of an eventful day. Where to start?

    First off, the changing of the guard took place. Gary left this morning at 1:30 AM (he likes to travel when there aren't any cars on the road). He arrived home safely. My mom arrived at our house around 2 PM this afternoon. While we're sad to see Gary leave, it's good to see my mom. She was also quite thrilled to see the boys.

    We went to our neighbor Chazity's house this morning and had an Easter egg hunt across the street from them at the Pembroke Meadows Elementary School park. Cole picked up about 10 eggs, then climbed onto the playground equipment and started throwing them at me. He thought that we were supposed to play catch with them... After our impromptu game of catch, we flew a kite that Chaz got us. It was great kite flying weather. We had a really good time.

    Like I said, around 2 PM, my mom arrived. After catching up, she took the boys to the park with Katy, my sister, while Dalynn and I took a rare trip sans chilluns to Target. Dalynn and I pulled out while mom and the boys were strolling away, and Cole was not too happy about this.

    Well, after we got back from Target, and after mom and the boys were back from their trip to the park, we were all sitting in the living room and Dalynn went to sit down on the couch next to Cole. Cole wanted nothing to do with Dalynn. Nothing. He even told her to get up. When she didn't, he got off the couch and walked over to Grammy. Grammy asked him if he was upset, and he said "Yes". When she asked him why, he started talking about "Mommy going to the store", ostensibly, without him!

    Plain and simple, Cole had a grudge! It was quite hysterical. He and Dalynn resolved it shortly thereafter and hugs and kisses were exchanged.

    At that point, Grammy, Katy, Cole and I headed off to the poop table. I know I've mentioned this before. It's the Thomas the Train table in the Hungate's at Pembroke Mall. Well, it worked its magic again today.

    Cole was once again constipated, as he got Vincristine on Thursday. The poop table was the last chance for him to poop before we resorted to yet another enema. I kid you not, we hadn't been at the table for 2 minutes and he cut it loose. It's amazing, and quite a weird answer to prayer.

    So, that was our day in a nutshell. Tomorrow's Easter, so y'all have a happy Easter!

    Thursday, March 20, 2008

    How to Leave a Comment

    It's been brought to my attention that it's a little difficult to figure out how to leave a comment here on my blog. That's probably due in part to the way that the style that I've chosen displays the comments link.

    There are two ways to get to the comment page.
    1. On the bottom right of each blog entry, you'll see a link that says "X comments", where X is a number. Clicking this will take you to the comment section.
    2. Alternatively, you can click on the title of a post (here, it would be "How to Leave a Comment") and this will take you to a page with only this entry on it. On the bottom of the entry will be the comments that others have left. At the bottom of the comments is a link to "Post a Comment". Click this link.
    Now that you're in the comment section, here's how you post your comment.
    1. The white box in the upper right is where you type your comment. Type it in here.
    2. Under that box, you'll see a group of 4 radio buttons. By default the "Google/Blogger" radio button is checked. However, if you would like to leave a comment with your name, click the third radio button down, which says "Name/URL".
    3. Two boxes will appear beneath the radio button, one with "Name" and one with "URL". You only need to fill out the "Name" box.
    4. Finally, click the "Publish Your Comment" button.
    Your comment has now been left, and you can interact with all of the other folks that leave comments on this blog.

    I hope that this will allow everyone to take part! Please feel free to use this thread as a practicing ground for leaving comments.

    Wednesday, March 19, 2008

    One Week Down

    Well, we're one week in to delayed intensification, and so far so good. Cole's had some constipation problems, and will get another enema today, but the steroids don't seem to be messing him up as bad as I thought they would. If things continue as they are (and I use "if" as a kind of "knock on wood") then it will be tolerable.

    Of course, in Leukemia Land, nothing is as it seems. That's something that's been proven to us already. But, hopefully, things won't get worse.

    One thing that I can say is a plus is that Cole has not gotten sick recently. We've had some kind of nasty cold running around our house. Both Logan and I have had it, though with Logan it was RSV, which I don't know if I had, but the antibiotics sure didn't seem to touch it. Anyways, Dalynn might be coming down with it now, too. And this isn't the first cold/bug to work its way through our house over the past couple months.

    However, Cole has stayed consistently well, even with neutropenia, which is nothing short of miraculous. Now, if he can stay well for the next few weeks, it'll be really awesome. So get your prayer on.

    Sunday, March 16, 2008

    Land of a Thousand Enemas

    So, with the start of Delayed Intensification we're back to the "an enema a day keeps the doctor away" routine. We had to administer one today, which was not a pleasant experience for anyone, especially Cole. But, the good thing is that we can. Come neutropenia, we may not be able to, though we'll probably choose to ignore that stricture in favor of good poop. Good poop is important, you learn.

    We're currently watching "Cutting Edge 3: Chasing the Dream". Dalynn's riveted, as she has been during Cutting Edge 1 and 2... I'm over the Cutting Edge! But, alas, I shall persevere through the teeny-bopper melodrama in an attempt to strengthen my marriage. I really do care about this movie, I do, honey!

    Cole got to see his Grammy yesterday. His Grammy who had a new haircut and was wearing capri pants. To the haircut, he said, "I like your old hair, Grammy." To the capri pants, he said "Come on, Grammy, pull your pants down!" No kidding, he really did.

    Gary is staying with us for the first week of DI. He's definitely eased a lot of burdens for us and freed Dalynn and I to focus on Cole's treatment. He's going to go home Friday, and my mom will come hang with us for a week, as well. After her, Lisa will come for a week. I think a week, so don't freak out if it's not a week, Lisa... ;)

    That leads me to the fact that it's "my night". "Mike's night", you might ask? Well, of course it's my night. See, Dalynn and I take a 2 nights on, 2 nights off approach to dealing with Cole's hunger due to steroids. When it's "your night", you get up with either of the kids that may need it and you wake up with them, as well. I honestly find the waking up part to be more grueling, hehe. I'm not a morning person.

    Cutting Edge update: Our fab duo are now competing at "Nationals", hoping to get to Paris for the world championship. There's a "romance" forming between the figure-skating boy and the hockey player girl. Surprise, surprise, surprise!

    /target wrists
    /cut

    Anyways, hope you enjoyed a peek into the Land of a Thousand Enemas!