Real Life Pace vs. Hospital Pace

Cole's CT bone scan was done yesterday and the results came in today. Thankfully, it was completely normal. The infection has not spread to his leg, which is a blessing and a relief, though an expected one. He also hasn't run a fever since yesterday, but I'm not sure if it's been 24 hours or not.

That doesn't mean we're leaving, of course, as he got a new IV med today, an immune factor called IGG. It will help him fight off the fungal infection and may be something he gets in the future. Dr. Owen says that he wants to keep us in the hospital through the weekend for observation of how Cole does with IGG. So far, so good.

Cole spent most of today sleeping, but that is mainly due to his hemoglobin being 7.1, which is low for a toddler. If an adult had hemoglobin that low he or she would be on the floor. It's amazing how resilient kids are. Cole's going to be getting some blood tonight and that should make him feel better tomorrow. Hopefully, we'll be able to get to the all-important play-room then.

Tonight is my night to stay here with Cole which is completely fine with me. It's kind of nice staying here, now. I realized that this week while I was at work. I was feeling a little anxious about all I had to do (kind of some make-up work for being out for a week and a half, if you will) and I started thinking about how the hustle of normal life is so different from the hospital.

In the hospital there's not a ton you have to do. There might be a few procedures that occur during a day, but generally not to many. You spend a lot of your time waiting for certain events to take place. The attending comes in to talk with you sometime in the morning, as do specialists. Meds arrive at set times and vitals are taken every few hours. Besides that, the time is yours. Granted, you spend a lot of time waiting for results, but that's becoming bearable.

Compare that to the normal speed of real life, where time isn't measured in events, it's measured in productivity. How much did I get done today, or how much will I be able to do? Am I producing enough to keep the folks around me happy? Am I doing enough to continue at the pace that I've set previously? When you're used to the time-management system of the hospital, the real world system can stress you out.

Now, to be fair, I expected it and only stressed about it for a few hours. Once I got my feet back underneath me I was able to maintain pretty well. It wasn't as much of a shock this time as it was the first time, mainly because I was prepared for it. But, the differences were very apparent to me this time.

As to which I prefer, the answer would have to be the one I'm used to. Now that I've spent a few days at work, I kind of hate sitting here in the hospital "doing nothing". There's a part of me that really wishes I could be coding away (I'm a software developer, in case you didn't know), happily oblivious to the passing of time. If I spend a few days here at the hospital, though, I'm sure that I'll prefer the pace of things here. It's all a matter of what you're used to, I guess.

Time

Well, it's been over 48 hours without a fever, woohoo!

Dalynn and I had the night off (my mom and sister stayed with Cole) and got a chance to go to church this morning. I could tell how much time had passed by how much bigger all the kids at church seemed. It was wonderful to see our church family and we got a chance to talk to them as a body, as well.

Our last service of the year was a continental breakfast style get-together and it was an ideal way to catch up with everyone. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and my heart swelled with gratitude for all of these people who have done so much for us.

We headed back to the hospital around 3.

Time seems to move differently in the hospital. I can't quite figure it out, but I think it has something to do with living one day at a time. You don't really make plans while you're here, you just wake up and all you consider is the day that lays in front of you. You live the day as best you can and when night comes you tend to spend time contemplating what went on in the day that just passed. Then you go to bed, probably earlier than you would at home. The next day will roll around sooner than you probably wish, at least from a sleep perspective.

I can't help but think of the scripture where Christ tells us to consider only today, as today has enough troubles all on its own. It's very true. To some extent, I wish I could have this hospital mentality at home. Maybe I could just place my faith in the Lord and live the day at hand to its fullest. Maybe I could just trust that the Lord will see to the needs of tomorrow and let Him, instead of wasting so much time worrying about it myself (and making futile plans, hehe).

At any rate, I know that I've lived mainly day-to-day over the past month and a half. That makes this time seem so much longer and even fuller than a regular month and a half would normally feel. Not all of it has been pleasant, but I certainly can say that I've lived more in this time than I ever have in any given month and a half in the past.

It's an interestingly satisfying feeling.