Wednesday, June 11, 2008


    I listen to this band called Disturbed. Their music is, quite ironically, rather disturbed. Lots of angst and anguish and difficult topics.

    From what I have read, though, they sing from their (collective) heart. One song that has recently come out is about the lead singer walking in on his girlfriend having committed suicide. That's a tough topic, but what makes it disturbing is that the song is about him having a conversation with the devil in the immediate aftermath, and the devil is trying to convince him that he needs to take his life, as well.

    The song is called Inside the Fire, and it's a good song. Most of their stuff is good, that's why it's been on my constant play list for a few weeks.

    But, why am I bringing this up? It's certainly not to highlight my music as a way of proselytizing you. If I was going to do that, I certainly wouldn't start with Disturbed. I'd start somewhere much saner. Somewhere like Fuel or Breaking Benjamin.

    I bring it up as a way of highlighting what my ideal mental goal used to be. By that, I mean the angst-driven way of viewing life. In my former way of viewing life the more angst or deep-gutted emotion that something in life generated, the better. I think that I thought that for an event to have some kind of meaning, it had to have some kind of (mostly) negative impact on my life.

    I used to be terrified that my life would end up "normal" or, God forbid, "cheesy". Maybe a better way of saying that is that I was terrified of the mundane. And, what could be more mundane than having two kids and going to a job everyday?

    But, tonight, I started thinking about my life and I have to say I find nothing mundane about it. I'm not talking about the cancer part, either. I'm honestly happier now than I can say I've ever been. I guess that I was wrong when I thought that angst was the key to happiness. Go figure.


    Langston-Family said...

    hmmmm! Only you Mike! So, what is the path to happiness anyway? I'm going to go with a cookie cutter answer and say being content what whatever you have or don't have. But, I know you've got something for me better than that! Oreo cookies (er, make that red. fat Oreo cookies) and a glass of er, soy milk for you! :) heather

    Michael.Rollins said...

    Hey, you have to admit, that's some interesting stuff, there. I mean, aren't all of my internal thoughts interesting to you mere mortals?

    As for the path to happiness, it lies within the path of the Cold Stone.

    Langston-Family said...

    Believe me when I tell you this, DO I EVER UNDERSTAND. I will bring up my own cancer thing, sometimes I feel like the experience stole something away and I am HELL bent on finding it. The crazy thing is God may not want me to have it back. Therefore, it is a constant challenge to find and stay true north with a measure of joy. He is not finished with me or you yet. Thanks for your thoughts.
    I will speak with you soon.