I listen to this band called Disturbed. Their music is, quite ironically, rather disturbed. Lots of angst and anguish and difficult topics.
From what I have read, though, they sing from their (collective) heart. One song that has recently come out is about the lead singer walking in on his girlfriend having committed suicide. That's a tough topic, but what makes it disturbing is that the song is about him having a conversation with the devil in the immediate aftermath, and the devil is trying to convince him that he needs to take his life, as well.
The song is called Inside the Fire, and it's a good song. Most of their stuff is good, that's why it's been on my constant play list for a few weeks.
But, why am I bringing this up? It's certainly not to highlight my music as a way of proselytizing you. If I was going to do that, I certainly wouldn't start with Disturbed. I'd start somewhere much saner. Somewhere like Fuel or Breaking Benjamin.
I bring it up as a way of highlighting what my ideal mental goal used to be. By that, I mean the angst-driven way of viewing life. In my former way of viewing life the more angst or deep-gutted emotion that something in life generated, the better. I think that I thought that for an event to have some kind of meaning, it had to have some kind of (mostly) negative impact on my life.
I used to be terrified that my life would end up "normal" or, God forbid, "cheesy". Maybe a better way of saying that is that I was terrified of the mundane. And, what could be more mundane than having two kids and going to a job everyday?
But, tonight, I started thinking about my life and I have to say I find nothing mundane about it. I'm not talking about the cancer part, either. I'm honestly happier now than I can say I've ever been. I guess that I was wrong when I thought that angst was the key to happiness. Go figure.
