Shifts in Perspective - Addiction

Addiction is an insidious thing. It worms and weasels its way in, altering how someone thinks. Because so much of it is taking place in the mind it is often not apparent to the one that is addicted how their perspective, how they see things, has been altered.

Though I am no expert here, simply having been a passenger on this boat, I see that there are two ways in which something can be addicting: physical and mental. I don't intend to address the physical portion here, but by physical I mean the way in which the body gets used to, and consequently needs, the addicting substance. It is a physiological response with physiological repercussions. Anyone who has attempted to quit smoking will have experienced physical addiction and withdrawal. The physical portion of an addiction is often most apparent to the addicted individual.

The mental aspect of addiction is often not realized until much later, if at all. As I sank deeper and deeper into my addiction I was unaware of what the substance was doing to me. I was not cognizant of the aggression and moodiness, the anti-social behavior, the sheer arrogance that I was exhibiting. Those that were around me saw it writ boldly and clearly, especially Dalynn, but these changes were happening to my mind. How I thought was being changed, I was completely unaware of the changes because I couldn't see them, it was as if I was blind to them.

Imagine, if you will, that your ability to see a color, let's say green, is changing over time. There's no one time you can point to where you can say "Here I can see green, there I can not", it just goes over time. After a while, you can be looking at green and not know it is there, or not realize that that gray color you see is actually green. So it is with addiction. Your mental self-image changes over time and you become blind to all of the changes that are taking place within you. Some of this blindness is due to your obsession with whatever you're addicted to, some of it is due to the changes that are taking place in your mind as you start to think differently. After a while, you just lose the ability to tell that anything at all has changed.

Except, there are some times where you are shocked back into a realization that something is wrong. Times of misery, times of hurt, times where you suddenly wonder how you came to this terrible, lonely place. It is during these times that a shift in perspective, how you see the world and yourself, can take place.

Truth be told for many it will probably take countless times of misery to drive home the point that something is wrong! I know it did for me. It took losing my family as Dalynn left me and took Cole with her, due to her fear of me, to drive home to me that something was wrong. But, even that wasn't enough! I had to suffer through endless days of loneliness and contemplation of the unimaginable before I realized how perversely my mind had been altered, to see how shockingly my thoughts were warped. It was like looking in a mirror after thousands of days without seeing myself and finding a wretched, wan reflection of who I thought I was.

These are times of shifts in perspective. These are saving moments, when reality can reassert itself. These are horrible moments that the Lord in all His mercy lets us experience. The worst thing that can be done for an addict is to save them from the consequences they have inflicted on themselves!

A shift in perspective need not always be a horrible thing, though it often is. It need only be a life-altering thing (as if those come along all that often). The birth of a child, for instance. During these times I think we all can step away from ourselves and introspect on to what we are, but for the addict, this time can lead to realization.

Seeing what I had become gave me the will to fight the addiction and ultimately conquer it. Self-realization, looking in a mirror, did for me what my wife had been praying so diligently for. That led me down the road to breaking the addiction and then recovering my life, piece by piece, that has brought me to where I am today. By no means complete, but in a much better place.

Had someone stepped in during that time and attempted to "rescue" me, I doubt I would be recovered today. Had I not been able to partake of the consequences of my actions I don't believe I would have ever changed. It is a terrible thing, but then again, so is addiction.

WoW and Addictions

http://view.break.com/390565 - Watch more free videos

So, I saw this video the other day. I thought it was both funny and disturbing.

Funny cause I've been there. Not with Halo, but with WoW. So, I can relate.

Disturbing cause I've been there.

I guess what has me posting this today is a kind of confession. I still keep up with some of the folks I played WoW with. I made some "good" friends when I played WoW. That is to say, I made friends with folks that I enjoyed spending time with online and who understood my obsession with the game. They obsessed over the game, too.

I still talk to a lot of these folks, either via forums or IM. But, I noticed something yesterday: When I talk to the ones that still play the game, we don't talk about anything but the game. When I talk to the ones that have moved on from the game, we can talk about other things, but I don't talk to them as much.

Further, I still marginally enjoy talking about the game. I still keep up with the patches and changes that Blizzard makes and I can still relate when folks tell me what kind of "problems" they are having in-game. It still fascinates me what I could be doing in this mythical world.

I guess the question is, should I be worried that I still take an interest in this game?

Right now, I don't think so. I'm not obsessing over it as I used to (when I played) and I do get tired of talking about it when the conversation lasts more than about 10 minutes. Therefor, to me, it seems like it's a "normal" or "average" interest. It's when it becomes obsessive that I feel I need to worry.

Beyond that, I don't see it becoming an obsession again. I follow football more "obsessively" than I follow WoW. I definitely spend more time watching football! But, football doesn't consume my life, it's merely a passing interest.

So, is it possible to move from obsession to healthy interest? I don't really know the answer to that, but I do know that I don't ever really want to be obsessed with something to the exclusion of life again. I guess I'll find out eventually if it's possible to be healthily interested in something that you used to be obsessed with.