Friday, December 14, 2007

    The New Land of Normal

    It's a pretty dismal day here at the hospital. Cole is so backed up he's now starting to vomit whenever he's given anything by mouth. It's certainly no fun for anyone involved, least of all, him. The doctors are talking about putting an NG tube down him, which is a tube that goes in his nose and into his stomach. They then will pump something called "Go Lightly" down the tube, which will clear him out in a few hours.

    The first time they suggested this, a week or two ago (last time we were hospitalized) I was adamant I did not want him to have to have it done. This time, though, my feelings have changed, and I think it's an indication of what the new normal is for us. Now, I feel that if it will clear his constipation and allow him to keep things down, let's do it, and in a hurry.

    We had a friend stop by, and he brought us some Starbucks, which was awesome. He's a coworker of mine, Anthony, and he and his wife just had a baby 4 months ago, Raymond. Raymond is quite adorable, which I'm sure he gets from his mother and certainly not from his father.

    When Anthony was here, I was reminded strongly of when Cole was a baby, and I had a sense of surreality when I started thinking about how I would have felt about this hospital room and leukemia when Cole was as young as Raymond. It would have seemed horrible, and something that must be terrible to endure. Especially having to watch my child go through it.

    Now, it is no less terrible to endure, but it is quickly becoming apparent that it is, in fact, endurable. This thing is not going to eat my soul, though it may try, and if it does try, I will simply have to resist.

    That's the new normal, I think. It has new rules.

    Rules like: Fevers are a potentially life threatening event which must be approached with the utmost care.

    Rules like: If a fever exists, then it is imperative to not go through the ER, where they do not necessarily know how to take care of your child and could inadvertently do something which can kill your child.

    I guess the new normal means I have to tolerate these rules. And, in deed, I do, and I'm starting to. I'm learning to accept many things that I don't think I've ever considered before. Like, learning how to harden my heart to my son's piteous cries when his vitals are being taken or an IV is being put in. It's not a hardening that lasts, though, it's a momentary state that allows for the betterment of the health of my son.

    This new normal is a land of strange beasts that I have never before conceived of, yet they are all made out of normal everyday events. Moment to moment, things don't really look strange, but when you look down a line of moments and realize where you're going, then things get weird.

    But, here, weird is normal. Thus, the new land of normal.


    Langston-Family said...

    We are praying for Cole, Dalynn and you. Let the peace of God surround you. Take the time to find rest in Him. Mike as you know, I do not offer these words lightly. This is just a season. I remember vividly how it weighs on you. There is the up, which seem to never come as frequent as we want. An there are the non up, which seem to dip lower each time and seem to pass at a snails pace. There is only one way to pass off the weight which is pulling on you, give it to HIM. It is His burden to bear. You may have to hand it over to Him frequently, however to free yourself and your wonderful wife you must Trust when there seems to be no reason to trust. Trust me:)
    Trust HIM. There are things you can change and things you cannot. Focus on what you can change, the others are out of your hands. GOD has a plan for you, Dalynn, Logan and COLE. oh, there is no normal in abnomal. Love you brother!


    Michael.Rollins said...

    After re-reading that post, it definitely sounds more dire than I meant for it to be. Quite the contrary, I find that I'm adapting to "the New Land of Normal" and that is making things easier. What's weird is that now things that have never been normal are, and that's where the "New Land" part comes from.

    Your words are always welcome, though, brother, and know that I love you for your encouragement!