Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Something Else to be Thankful For
Something else to be thankful for! Cole got to go fishing for the very first time while we were in Wilmington. Let me tell you, he's a natural. Every time he put his line in the water he pulled a fish, or sometimes two, up. Granddaddy was quite pleased with the whole event. It was also my first time fishing in about, oh, 25 years.
Now, I watch this, and I just think that in January, this was a little boy who couldn't walk...
Things to Be Thankful Over
Man, it's been about a month again, but this time, I'm going to have a positive post.
Things don't seem so overwhelming as they did, which is good, and over the last month I've remembered many things that I have to be thankful for.
Before all of that, though, let me point you to the story of a little girl named Kathryn Leggett. Kathryn has a very rare form of cancer and has just been moved out of the PICU at Duke, back into a regular ward bed. If you'd like to see God at work, read over the last week or so of her Caring Bridge page. Please keep her and her family in your prayers as they face a rough road ahead of them as Kathryn recovers from a bad bout of pancreatitis.
I took last week off of work and Dalynn, the boys and I went to Wilmington. We stayed from Friday to Thursday. It was a very wild, hectic week, but we all survived.
During our stay there, Cole and I got so spend a lot of time in the pool. He learned to swim with swimmies on (the little blow-up balloons you put on kids arms), which was a lot of fun for both of us. At one point, it suddenly struck me that if Cole had a line, we wouldn't be in the pool. We wouldn't be able to go to the beach. He wouldn't even be able to take baths as much as he does (which he loves again, by the way). So, I'm thankful that Cole doesn't have a line.
While we were in Wilmington, Logan came down with rotovirus (a kind of really bad stomach virus that kids can get, but that they can pass on to adults). It's a long story on how he got it, but he did get it from Cole. When Logan got it, he ran a 104.5 fever at one point and had these really nasty green poops. But, when Cole had it, he only had the nasty green poops, not the huge fever. If he'd had the fever, we'd have been in the hospital while they tried to figure it all out, so at least one night in the emergency room, if not a full admission. I'm thankful for that, too. I'm also thankful that Dalynn and I didn't get it (although my mom did). That would have been especially tough on Dalynn with her pregnancy.
There are a lot of other things I'm thankful for, but which I can't really go into right now, unfortunately. Just know that we are all doing well, and even though we're faced with challenges daily, we overcome them daily, as well.
Things don't seem so overwhelming as they did, which is good, and over the last month I've remembered many things that I have to be thankful for.
Before all of that, though, let me point you to the story of a little girl named Kathryn Leggett. Kathryn has a very rare form of cancer and has just been moved out of the PICU at Duke, back into a regular ward bed. If you'd like to see God at work, read over the last week or so of her Caring Bridge page. Please keep her and her family in your prayers as they face a rough road ahead of them as Kathryn recovers from a bad bout of pancreatitis.
I took last week off of work and Dalynn, the boys and I went to Wilmington. We stayed from Friday to Thursday. It was a very wild, hectic week, but we all survived.
During our stay there, Cole and I got so spend a lot of time in the pool. He learned to swim with swimmies on (the little blow-up balloons you put on kids arms), which was a lot of fun for both of us. At one point, it suddenly struck me that if Cole had a line, we wouldn't be in the pool. We wouldn't be able to go to the beach. He wouldn't even be able to take baths as much as he does (which he loves again, by the way). So, I'm thankful that Cole doesn't have a line.
While we were in Wilmington, Logan came down with rotovirus (a kind of really bad stomach virus that kids can get, but that they can pass on to adults). It's a long story on how he got it, but he did get it from Cole. When Logan got it, he ran a 104.5 fever at one point and had these really nasty green poops. But, when Cole had it, he only had the nasty green poops, not the huge fever. If he'd had the fever, we'd have been in the hospital while they tried to figure it all out, so at least one night in the emergency room, if not a full admission. I'm thankful for that, too. I'm also thankful that Dalynn and I didn't get it (although my mom did). That would have been especially tough on Dalynn with her pregnancy.
There are a lot of other things I'm thankful for, but which I can't really go into right now, unfortunately. Just know that we are all doing well, and even though we're faced with challenges daily, we overcome them daily, as well.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Discouragment
Man, it's been a month since I last posted. Where does the time go?
I have to say, though, that I'm very discouraged today. I imagine that most of all my discouragement comes from worry, to be quite honest.
Here's what I'm worrying about:
What I do know is that this morning I feel pretty discouraged. The funny thing is that I'm not even worrying about the direct issues. For instance, I'm not so much worried about finding a van, I'm worried about whether or not it'll be a good one and whether or not I can prevent us from being taken advantage of. Or, barring being taken advantage of, that I'll miss some kind of deal that would have been better.
That's how I feel with the A/C, too. I don't think that we got taken advantage of. We got multiple quotes and they were all within the ballpark of each other. I think what got me there was the financing. I keep thinking that there was a better financing option.
Fear of the unknown. Fear of what I might have missed. That's what is causing my worry. Kind of silly when I think about it "logically". It's a shame that my emotions aren't logical, huh?
I have to say, though, that I'm very discouraged today. I imagine that most of all my discouragement comes from worry, to be quite honest.
Here's what I'm worrying about:
- Cole got chemo yesterday, so that's at least a week, probably two, of a little boy who is totally out of sorts.
- We had our A/C replaced yesterday. The whole kit and caboodle.
- We have to have extra work done due to the A/C being replaced (things like holes in ceilings patched and holes in walls patched).
- We're going to have to get a mini-van, and with the money we're spending for the A/C would have gone directly to a mini-van.
What I do know is that this morning I feel pretty discouraged. The funny thing is that I'm not even worrying about the direct issues. For instance, I'm not so much worried about finding a van, I'm worried about whether or not it'll be a good one and whether or not I can prevent us from being taken advantage of. Or, barring being taken advantage of, that I'll miss some kind of deal that would have been better.
That's how I feel with the A/C, too. I don't think that we got taken advantage of. We got multiple quotes and they were all within the ballpark of each other. I think what got me there was the financing. I keep thinking that there was a better financing option.
Fear of the unknown. Fear of what I might have missed. That's what is causing my worry. Kind of silly when I think about it "logically". It's a shame that my emotions aren't logical, huh?
Monday, June 30, 2008
News News News
Well, the big news on our front is that Dalynn is pregnant. Let me just say that we were doing everything we could to not become pregnant! As a matter of fact, Dalynn was going to have Mirena put in this month. Mirena is an IUD that also has a low dose of birth control. It's effective for 5 years.
That 5 years part makes me wonder at the timing of all of this. As in, this is the Lord's timing, and not our own. Both of us had been thinking, privately, that 2 was enough. We also had both stated that we didn't want a 3rd while Cole was undergoing treatment. Combine all of that with a birth control that is effective for 5 years, and perhaps we never would have had another child. It's easy to get into a frame of mind when complacency is an option.
To say that we were shocked is an understatement. I believe "floored" is more appropriate. Dalynn recovered faster than I did, though. It took me about a day to get over the shock of it all. It certainly didn't fit into any of my plans for our family right now. We certainly didn't need to borrow trouble...
But, trouble is what this baby is not, and I've come to accept that. The logistics of it all are still prone to make me feel like the bottom has dropped out from underneath me, but we have 8 more months to begin coping with all of that.
When Dalynn told Cole that "there's a baby growing in Mommy's belly", Cole responded with the statement, "A baby girl." He says "girl" like you would say "grill", it's quite cute. Logan has been vary tacit on the situation, though. We wonder if he's already lamenting the loss of his position as the baby...
Speaking of Logan, he's walking, now. And I mean, walking. He can motor around the house and has started playing chase with Cole and I. Normally, he's the chaser, as he hasn't quite figured out how to be an effective chasee. He still hasn't figured out how to stand up without something to lean on, but once he's up, he's off.
It's quite interesting to see how differently our children are developing. By this age (10.5 months) Cole was talking, but Logan isn't. I think he has a total of 4 words: "bye", "momma", "ba-ba" (bottle) and "dada". "Dada" he says very rarely. Conversely, Cole didn't walk until 13 months, while Logan has been walking for 2 weeks. So, in that regard, Logan is more advanced physically than Cole was. All the differences are quite fascinating.
Finally, discipline has become some kind of monumental feat. On the weekends, when I'm around all day, I feel like I do nothing but discipline (mainly Cole). Dalynn feels like she spends all of her time disciplining. If 5 minutes go by without me having to say something, it's quite unusual.
I think the difficult thing for us, and something we haven't figured out how to balance, is how to draw the line between being in treatment and being 2. We want to have grace if something is being caused by being in treatment. If Cole is just feeling run-down due to his chemo we don't want to drag him around the city. If he's cranky for the same reason, we would prefer to allow him to take a nap.
On the other hand if he's being demanding because he's 2, well, we want to nip that in the bud. It's just that often times, it's difficult to figure out which one is which. What makes it more difficult is that Cole is learning how to manipulate us! In the middle of being disciplined, he'll tell us, "I hurt!" or "I'm tired!". He doesn't, not really, but it's hard to be discerning enough to know when he's pulling the wool over our eyes.
I've never raised a 2 year old before, so I have no real frame of reference. I can't say for sure that raising a 2 year old in treatment for cancer is more difficult (though my hunch is that it is), but I can certainly say that raising a 2 year old in treatment for cancer is more confusing!
That 5 years part makes me wonder at the timing of all of this. As in, this is the Lord's timing, and not our own. Both of us had been thinking, privately, that 2 was enough. We also had both stated that we didn't want a 3rd while Cole was undergoing treatment. Combine all of that with a birth control that is effective for 5 years, and perhaps we never would have had another child. It's easy to get into a frame of mind when complacency is an option.
To say that we were shocked is an understatement. I believe "floored" is more appropriate. Dalynn recovered faster than I did, though. It took me about a day to get over the shock of it all. It certainly didn't fit into any of my plans for our family right now. We certainly didn't need to borrow trouble...
But, trouble is what this baby is not, and I've come to accept that. The logistics of it all are still prone to make me feel like the bottom has dropped out from underneath me, but we have 8 more months to begin coping with all of that.
When Dalynn told Cole that "there's a baby growing in Mommy's belly", Cole responded with the statement, "A baby girl." He says "girl" like you would say "grill", it's quite cute. Logan has been vary tacit on the situation, though. We wonder if he's already lamenting the loss of his position as the baby...
Speaking of Logan, he's walking, now. And I mean, walking. He can motor around the house and has started playing chase with Cole and I. Normally, he's the chaser, as he hasn't quite figured out how to be an effective chasee. He still hasn't figured out how to stand up without something to lean on, but once he's up, he's off.
It's quite interesting to see how differently our children are developing. By this age (10.5 months) Cole was talking, but Logan isn't. I think he has a total of 4 words: "bye", "momma", "ba-ba" (bottle) and "dada". "Dada" he says very rarely. Conversely, Cole didn't walk until 13 months, while Logan has been walking for 2 weeks. So, in that regard, Logan is more advanced physically than Cole was. All the differences are quite fascinating.
Finally, discipline has become some kind of monumental feat. On the weekends, when I'm around all day, I feel like I do nothing but discipline (mainly Cole). Dalynn feels like she spends all of her time disciplining. If 5 minutes go by without me having to say something, it's quite unusual.
I think the difficult thing for us, and something we haven't figured out how to balance, is how to draw the line between being in treatment and being 2. We want to have grace if something is being caused by being in treatment. If Cole is just feeling run-down due to his chemo we don't want to drag him around the city. If he's cranky for the same reason, we would prefer to allow him to take a nap.
On the other hand if he's being demanding because he's 2, well, we want to nip that in the bud. It's just that often times, it's difficult to figure out which one is which. What makes it more difficult is that Cole is learning how to manipulate us! In the middle of being disciplined, he'll tell us, "I hurt!" or "I'm tired!". He doesn't, not really, but it's hard to be discerning enough to know when he's pulling the wool over our eyes.
I've never raised a 2 year old before, so I have no real frame of reference. I can't say for sure that raising a 2 year old in treatment for cancer is more difficult (though my hunch is that it is), but I can certainly say that raising a 2 year old in treatment for cancer is more confusing!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Disturbia
I listen to this band called Disturbed. Their music is, quite ironically, rather disturbed. Lots of angst and anguish and difficult topics.
From what I have read, though, they sing from their (collective) heart. One song that has recently come out is about the lead singer walking in on his girlfriend having committed suicide. That's a tough topic, but what makes it disturbing is that the song is about him having a conversation with the devil in the immediate aftermath, and the devil is trying to convince him that he needs to take his life, as well.
The song is called Inside the Fire, and it's a good song. Most of their stuff is good, that's why it's been on my constant play list for a few weeks.
But, why am I bringing this up? It's certainly not to highlight my music as a way of proselytizing you. If I was going to do that, I certainly wouldn't start with Disturbed. I'd start somewhere much saner. Somewhere like Fuel or Breaking Benjamin.
I bring it up as a way of highlighting what my ideal mental goal used to be. By that, I mean the angst-driven way of viewing life. In my former way of viewing life the more angst or deep-gutted emotion that something in life generated, the better. I think that I thought that for an event to have some kind of meaning, it had to have some kind of (mostly) negative impact on my life.
I used to be terrified that my life would end up "normal" or, God forbid, "cheesy". Maybe a better way of saying that is that I was terrified of the mundane. And, what could be more mundane than having two kids and going to a job everyday?
But, tonight, I started thinking about my life and I have to say I find nothing mundane about it. I'm not talking about the cancer part, either. I'm honestly happier now than I can say I've ever been. I guess that I was wrong when I thought that angst was the key to happiness. Go figure.
From what I have read, though, they sing from their (collective) heart. One song that has recently come out is about the lead singer walking in on his girlfriend having committed suicide. That's a tough topic, but what makes it disturbing is that the song is about him having a conversation with the devil in the immediate aftermath, and the devil is trying to convince him that he needs to take his life, as well.
The song is called Inside the Fire, and it's a good song. Most of their stuff is good, that's why it's been on my constant play list for a few weeks.
But, why am I bringing this up? It's certainly not to highlight my music as a way of proselytizing you. If I was going to do that, I certainly wouldn't start with Disturbed. I'd start somewhere much saner. Somewhere like Fuel or Breaking Benjamin.
I bring it up as a way of highlighting what my ideal mental goal used to be. By that, I mean the angst-driven way of viewing life. In my former way of viewing life the more angst or deep-gutted emotion that something in life generated, the better. I think that I thought that for an event to have some kind of meaning, it had to have some kind of (mostly) negative impact on my life.
I used to be terrified that my life would end up "normal" or, God forbid, "cheesy". Maybe a better way of saying that is that I was terrified of the mundane. And, what could be more mundane than having two kids and going to a job everyday?
But, tonight, I started thinking about my life and I have to say I find nothing mundane about it. I'm not talking about the cancer part, either. I'm honestly happier now than I can say I've ever been. I guess that I was wrong when I thought that angst was the key to happiness. Go figure.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Well, it's been 2 weeks since I last posted, but this is one of those situations where no news is good news. It's so much easier to keep a regular posting regimen going when there's a lot of bad stuff (or even just some bad stuff) to report. When nothing of note is happening I consider that a good thing, especially considering the last 6 months.
I will report, however, that the great yard experiment is a success! I roto-tilled part of our backyard (about 2/3), seeded and fertilized it. I now have swaths of lush, green grass to rub my toes in. There are a few bare spots, but I've reseeded since then and that will hopefully take care of that. Having a "nice" yard is surprisingly satisfying, and I certainly take too much pride in it. But, I'll take what I can, hehe.
I've also maintained my swimming and am now up to 3/4 of a mile each time I swim. It took me two weeks to work up to 3/4 of a mile (which is 27 50 yard laps). Considering that the first time I went swimming I had to take a break to catch my breath after I was done with 4 laps, I consider what I've done to this point pretty monumental. Not only that, but two of the guys I work with are also going to start swimming, as well. Maybe we can have some kind of competition to spur us all on.
I can't say for sure if I've lost any weight yet, but I think I can tell a difference in my face and belly. It certainly seems easier to see my toes. I'm kind of disappointed that I never did take that "before" picture. I should still take one, and just make a note that it was taken at the 2.5 week mark. I also don't know what my starting weight was, nor do I know what my weight is now. For me, fitting into my clothes better will be a good indicator of success. Fitting into a waste size of 36 will be a resounding success (I wear a size 38 waste now, and that was getting a bit snug).
Logan is doing great. He took his first steps the other day, but has only repeated them once so far. I missed the first ones, but caught his second out of the corner of my eye. I expect that he's going to be a hard one to pin down once he finally gets his feet under him. He's already climbing the steps and he's quick about that. If you don't watch him, he'll zip up the steps before you can do anything about it.
Cole is also doing well. He has continued to recover his mobility skills and is now at a point again where he's running. It's not fast, but it's a definite run. He's climbing playground equipment again as well. I have to say, he made it through delayed intensification way better than I thought he would.
Tuesday sees him getting another dose of vincristine and a 5 day course of steroids, blah. It's hard to say which of those two I hate the most. Vincristine for the constipation and consequent enemas or steroids for how moody and hungry he gets. Probably the steroids. Still, 5 days is easier to deal with than 21 or 28. I will count my blessings there.
I will report, however, that the great yard experiment is a success! I roto-tilled part of our backyard (about 2/3), seeded and fertilized it. I now have swaths of lush, green grass to rub my toes in. There are a few bare spots, but I've reseeded since then and that will hopefully take care of that. Having a "nice" yard is surprisingly satisfying, and I certainly take too much pride in it. But, I'll take what I can, hehe.
I've also maintained my swimming and am now up to 3/4 of a mile each time I swim. It took me two weeks to work up to 3/4 of a mile (which is 27 50 yard laps). Considering that the first time I went swimming I had to take a break to catch my breath after I was done with 4 laps, I consider what I've done to this point pretty monumental. Not only that, but two of the guys I work with are also going to start swimming, as well. Maybe we can have some kind of competition to spur us all on.
I can't say for sure if I've lost any weight yet, but I think I can tell a difference in my face and belly. It certainly seems easier to see my toes. I'm kind of disappointed that I never did take that "before" picture. I should still take one, and just make a note that it was taken at the 2.5 week mark. I also don't know what my starting weight was, nor do I know what my weight is now. For me, fitting into my clothes better will be a good indicator of success. Fitting into a waste size of 36 will be a resounding success (I wear a size 38 waste now, and that was getting a bit snug).
Logan is doing great. He took his first steps the other day, but has only repeated them once so far. I missed the first ones, but caught his second out of the corner of my eye. I expect that he's going to be a hard one to pin down once he finally gets his feet under him. He's already climbing the steps and he's quick about that. If you don't watch him, he'll zip up the steps before you can do anything about it.
Cole is also doing well. He has continued to recover his mobility skills and is now at a point again where he's running. It's not fast, but it's a definite run. He's climbing playground equipment again as well. I have to say, he made it through delayed intensification way better than I thought he would.
Tuesday sees him getting another dose of vincristine and a 5 day course of steroids, blah. It's hard to say which of those two I hate the most. Vincristine for the constipation and consequent enemas or steroids for how moody and hungry he gets. Probably the steroids. Still, 5 days is easier to deal with than 21 or 28. I will count my blessings there.
Friday, May 16, 2008
I Did It!
Well, I officially started working out today.
I joined the VB Rec Centers yesterday and headed out to the pool today. I swam 1/2 a mile in about 30 minutes, which is an agonizingly slow pace, but at least I did it.
I think I can get that to a mile in 30 minutes if I really work at it. That's one of my goals for now. My other goal is to swim 30 minutes, Monday/Wednesday/Friday for a month. I think that if I can just get started, I'll keep it up. I'll be going during my lunch break and will be arriving to work a half hour early on the days that I swim. That allows 45 minutes for swimming and shower and 45 minutes for lunch.
I'll have to weigh myself somewhere, but I figure I'm around 235 lbs right now, which is close to the biggest I've ever been. I'd like to get back in the neighborhood of 200 lbs. I'll also probably take a "before" picture tonight and, if I'm not too embarrassed, when I get an "after" picture I'll post em side by side. Hopefully the "after" picture will do me better justice than I know the "before" picture will.
That's a whole lot of plans, but maybe if I blog about it, I'll stay honest. Besides, it feels good to blog about something other than cancer...
I joined the VB Rec Centers yesterday and headed out to the pool today. I swam 1/2 a mile in about 30 minutes, which is an agonizingly slow pace, but at least I did it.
I think I can get that to a mile in 30 minutes if I really work at it. That's one of my goals for now. My other goal is to swim 30 minutes, Monday/Wednesday/Friday for a month. I think that if I can just get started, I'll keep it up. I'll be going during my lunch break and will be arriving to work a half hour early on the days that I swim. That allows 45 minutes for swimming and shower and 45 minutes for lunch.
I'll have to weigh myself somewhere, but I figure I'm around 235 lbs right now, which is close to the biggest I've ever been. I'd like to get back in the neighborhood of 200 lbs. I'll also probably take a "before" picture tonight and, if I'm not too embarrassed, when I get an "after" picture I'll post em side by side. Hopefully the "after" picture will do me better justice than I know the "before" picture will.
That's a whole lot of plans, but maybe if I blog about it, I'll stay honest. Besides, it feels good to blog about something other than cancer...