Ava Lynn Rollins

Ava Lynn Rollins was born on February 28, 2009 at 2:10 AM. Dalynn's water broke around 9 PM. Christi Jones, our doula, met us at our house and we all drove to the hospital. We arrived at the hospital around 10 PM.

Dalynn was amazing during this labor, even though she said it was her hardest by far. Ava was posterior which made the labor all the more difficult. Thankfully, though, Dalynn didn't have any back labor like she did with Cole (who was also posterior).

This being my 3rd child, I felt much more confident in my ability to help Dalynn labor, and Christi and I made a wonderful team, even receiving a compliment from our midwife, Nel. Christi and I were able to coach Dalynn to a delivery in which she did not tear at all.

Now, lest you think I'm taking any credit here, when I say "coached" we told Dalynn what to do, but Dalynn was the one that actually did it, and she did it with such control it was truly amazing. At the end, when she was pushing and Nel would tell her to stop, Dalynn would immediately stop pushing, no matter where she was in her contraction. It's this control that I believe allowed Dalynn to deliver her second child without a tear.

One of the amazing things about this delivery (besides the sheer amazement inherent in birth itself) is that Dalynn progressed from 5 CM to 10 CM in 20 minutes. After 4 hours of hard labor, Dalynn was only 5 CM dilated and was despairing. She told Christi and I that she didn't think she could do it, as she assumed that the labor would be hours more.

Lo and behold, Dalynn had what amounted to a 20 minute contraction that resulted in Dalynn almost fully dilating and Ava crowning. Ava was born shortly thereafter. I guess the Lord does know what we can and can't endure, huh?

In case you haven't picked up on it, I am truly amazed at my wife and am in a little bit of awe of her. She was truly amazing and I felt blessed to be a part of this birth.

So, what's it like being a girl's Dad? She's certainly prettier than my sons, that's for sure! She looks like a feminine version of Cole when Cole was born. I do feel more protective of her than I do my boys, too, though not by much. However, if you stop to put it in perspective, I feel a little more protective of her as she is now, when I've only known her for a few days, whereas I've known one of my boys for over 3 years. I think that says something... It's more important to me that people find her beautiful than it was for either of my boys, too. It's probably a lot of cultural baggage, but it's what I have to work with and I don't regret having it in the first place.

The boys have reacted very differently to her. Cole thinks she is amazing. Last night he sat on the couch, holding her, giving her lots of kisses and telling us how much he loves her. He talks a lot about how he likes being an older brother, too, all of the sudden. Since Ava has arrived, he's begun to act more favorably to Logan, too, and has even become a little more protective of him. It's quite wonderful to watch.

Logan, on the other hand, would probably prefer that we send Ava back to the hospital! He started throwing these massive temper tantrums when she came home. He's never thrown big temper tantrums before. Now, he'll throw himself on the ground wailing or stomp his feet and scream. It's actually quite funny once you get over your horror.

If I'm holding Ava, Logan will give me about 10 minutes and then he starts demanding that I hold him. He's also become much more of a daddy's boy. He's always been pretty partial to me, but now it's soaring to new heights. I find the extra attention from him to be a bit overwhelming!

He's also refusing to go to Dalynn on occasion. When Dalynn and I first got home, he wouldn't go to her at all. Now, he'll get her to hold him for a minute or two, then he wants me to hold him. Bless his heart, but he's having a hard time of it.

We've had almost 3 weeks of family help, and it's been wonderful. However, next week marks the start of when we'll have all 3 all to ourselves. When I'm home, it's not that hard, but I can only imagine how hard it's going to be for Dalynn for a while as she gets used to managing 3, with one nursing. I don't know why, but 3 seems like such a larger number than 2!

I'm sure it's all a matter of perspective.

News News News

Well, the big news on our front is that Dalynn is pregnant. Let me just say that we were doing everything we could to not become pregnant! As a matter of fact, Dalynn was going to have Mirena put in this month. Mirena is an IUD that also has a low dose of birth control. It's effective for 5 years.

That 5 years part makes me wonder at the timing of all of this. As in, this is the Lord's timing, and not our own. Both of us had been thinking, privately, that 2 was enough. We also had both stated that we didn't want a 3rd while Cole was undergoing treatment. Combine all of that with a birth control that is effective for 5 years, and perhaps we never would have had another child. It's easy to get into a frame of mind when complacency is an option.

To say that we were shocked is an understatement. I believe "floored" is more appropriate. Dalynn recovered faster than I did, though. It took me about a day to get over the shock of it all. It certainly didn't fit into any of my plans for our family right now. We certainly didn't need to borrow trouble...

But, trouble is what this baby is not, and I've come to accept that. The logistics of it all are still prone to make me feel like the bottom has dropped out from underneath me, but we have 8 more months to begin coping with all of that.

When Dalynn told Cole that "there's a baby growing in Mommy's belly", Cole responded with the statement, "A baby girl." He says "girl" like you would say "grill", it's quite cute. Logan has been vary tacit on the situation, though. We wonder if he's already lamenting the loss of his position as the baby...

Speaking of Logan, he's walking, now. And I mean, walking. He can motor around the house and has started playing chase with Cole and I. Normally, he's the chaser, as he hasn't quite figured out how to be an effective chasee. He still hasn't figured out how to stand up without something to lean on, but once he's up, he's off.

It's quite interesting to see how differently our children are developing. By this age (10.5 months) Cole was talking, but Logan isn't. I think he has a total of 4 words: "bye", "momma", "ba-ba" (bottle) and "dada". "Dada" he says very rarely. Conversely, Cole didn't walk until 13 months, while Logan has been walking for 2 weeks. So, in that regard, Logan is more advanced physically than Cole was. All the differences are quite fascinating.

Finally, discipline has become some kind of monumental feat. On the weekends, when I'm around all day, I feel like I do nothing but discipline (mainly Cole). Dalynn feels like she spends all of her time disciplining. If 5 minutes go by without me having to say something, it's quite unusual.

I think the difficult thing for us, and something we haven't figured out how to balance, is how to draw the line between being in treatment and being 2. We want to have grace if something is being caused by being in treatment. If Cole is just feeling run-down due to his chemo we don't want to drag him around the city. If he's cranky for the same reason, we would prefer to allow him to take a nap.

On the other hand if he's being demanding because he's 2, well, we want to nip that in the bud. It's just that often times, it's difficult to figure out which one is which. What makes it more difficult is that Cole is learning how to manipulate us! In the middle of being disciplined, he'll tell us, "I hurt!" or "I'm tired!". He doesn't, not really, but it's hard to be discerning enough to know when he's pulling the wool over our eyes.

I've never raised a 2 year old before, so I have no real frame of reference. I can't say for sure that raising a 2 year old in treatment for cancer is more difficult (though my hunch is that it is), but I can certainly say that raising a 2 year old in treatment for cancer is more confusing!